


Shellshock

by wickedfetch



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M, Inara's mysterious past, Relationship Issues, adding tags as I go, antics, badassery, implied rape, one step forward and two steps back, things never go smooth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-11-10 20:22:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11134074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedfetch/pseuds/wickedfetch
Summary: Inara returns to the training house, but all is not as it seems. Mal, Kaylee, and Inara have relationship issues while Simon is asked to keep a secret.





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> This is also posted at fanfiction.net, but since AO3 is more active, I'm reposting my old stuff here, so it's in the same place as my new stuff just in case people are interested in exploring more of my work. Hey a girl can dream right?
> 
> This is a darker fic, more angsty than the others I have posted. My take on Inara's backstory, as well as the future for the crew of Firefly after the movie. I know it's moot because of the comics, so kind of an AU if you've been keeping up with those.

_“All hands report to damage control stations.” The loudspeakers blared as Mal and Jayne rushed down a dim hallway lit only by red emergency light strips on the floor. Reaching an ornate set of doors Mal wrenched them open, Jayne covering two of them, revealing Inara looking the picture of elegance. Mal gestured to her frantically._

_“I’m not going anywhere.” Inara said haughtily. She was decked in a deep red gown, and perfectly coiffed and poised, acting as though nothing was out of the ordinary, even as the ship lurched under their feet. “_

_What do ya mean yer not goin’ anywhere?” Mal said lowering his pistol in confusion as klaxons blared around them. “_

_You shouldn’t have come Mal. This is where I belong.” Inara’s voice was hard as she spoke, as if she were biting each word as it left her lips._

_“Mal, we gotta go.” Jayne interrupted, covering the hallway behind them with his gun._

_“Bi jweh!” Mal yelled at Jayne, continuing to stare at Inara. She lowered her gaze as another voice spoke, “Bao bei.” “_

_All hands report to damage control stations.” The loudspeakers blared as an aristocratic man entered stepped through a doorway on the far side of the room, a pistol in one hand._

_“Inara.” Mal said, the word barely leaving his mouth before the sound of a gunshot reverberated in the confined space._


	2. Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Kaylee settling into a relationship to the annoyance of Mal and the entertainment of Jayne. Inara is called back to the training house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the action begins

Kaylee smiled as she woke up, Simon’s arm around her middle. She could get used to this, except for the tickling. She could do with less of that, as she squirmed away from tickling fingers she heard a thump behind her. And a groan.

“Simon?” Was that Simon she’d just shoved off the bed?

“That’s a lot further than I thought.” He said groggily.

“You okay?” She said leaning over the side of the bed to get a look at the damage.

He smiled up at her, “Well nothing seems broken, guess I’ll have to remember to be on the inside before I try to tickle you again.”

“You sure?” She wanted to konk herself in the head, what a stupid thing to do, shoving him off her bed like that. But then he laughed, finding the whole thing amusing, and replied, “Well I’m no expert, but I’d venture to say I’m perfectly fine, except for maybe a bruise or two.” He paused, a mischievous smirk appearing as he spoke,“ actually I think we should sleep down here from now on, it’s much more comfortable.” And at that he reached up and pulled her down to join him. Then he looked at her with mock seriousness, “See? Much more space.”

She could get used to this too, this side of Simon, the one she’d always known was there but that he’d struggled to relax into. She smiled at him, “Mmhmm, but not as cozy.”

“True, the general coziness is one of the many benefits of life aboard a spaceship.” He said as he drew her in close and began to kiss her. Yup could definitely get used to this.

 

What in the worlds were those two up to? First there was that godawful thunk that sounded like a body being dropped into a grave. And then the laughter, but worst of all was the silence. The silence that always came before...Quickly putting an end to the thought of well, that, Mal jumped out of bed and hurriedly snatched some clothes.

Wasn’t right, man shouldn’t have to dress this fast in the morning, especially since this was his ship gorramit. He grumbled as he climbed up the ladder as fast as he could and practically knocked over Zoe. She looked awful amused as she looked him up and down.  
“Escaping the lovebirds?” She didn’t even bother hiding the smirk on her lips.

“Ya’d think after a month they’d settle down.” He groused, Zoe’s widening grin not escaping his notice, “but no, ev’ry gorram mornin’ I wake up to sounds I really don’ wanna be hearin’.” He’d hoped his fussing would increase her amusement, but no such luck, judging by the disappearance of her smile.

“We on course?” He said, wincing a little at the abrupt shift in the topic, but business was safe. Safer than reminding her of, well, of his fussing over the sounds she and Wash used to make.

“Sir. Sir. Seein’ as how yer not wantin’ to be wakin’ to lovebirds evr’y mornin’” She paused, clearly working up the courage for the next inevitable sentence, “they should trade bunks with me.”

“No.” He replied. Zoe frowned, she’d obviously rehearsed the conversation in her head for quite awhile because she didn’t miss a beat, just continued offering her reasons for the change. “They need the space, and I’ve got the biggest bed.”

He had to admit it was a good argument, logical and what not, but he wasn’t going to let logical arguments sway him, replying, “Don’ mean ya have to give it up.”

“Don’t need it no more.” She stared him down as she said it, daring him to open that can of worms, but seeing as how he had never been good with, well feelings, he offered her a logical argument of his own, matter of factly stating, “Still yer bunk.”

To which she rejoindered with her own matter of fact statement “No, it was mine and Wash’s bunk.”

Sparring with Zoe was always much more terrifying than sparring with Inara. With Inara he could go off half cocked, but saying the wrong words to Zoe, well they could very well be the last words he ever spoke, so it wasn’t without trepidation that he offered his final argument by saying, “That may be, but ya still need the space.”

“Sir.” She’d lowered her eyes, not even looking at him as she said it. She was warning him, or perhaps telling him she was saying goodbye and to leave well enough alone. That thought scared him more than he’d like to admit. Without Zoe, without Zoe, things would be, well that just wasn’t worth thinking on. So he forged ahead, “Ain’t there somethin’ ya’ve been meanin’ ta tell me?” He said.  
She still didn’t respond, but she needed to know that he knew, and that he wanted her on his ship. As he began to speak he put a comradely hand on her shoulder and lowered his voice a touch. It was the way she’d spoken to him after the surrender. It wasn’t so much what she’d said, but that she’d said it. It was time for him to return the favour. So he continued, “Bulkheads ain’t that thick, sides even without the lovebirds, I couldn’t never sleep a whole night through.”

No dice. She responded to him, well to her feet really, coldly, “Seems there’s nuthin’ to tell.” So he tried again, “Zoe, seems there’s plenty as could tell.” She looked up, her face full of sadness and fear, more vulnerable than he’d ever seen her.

But then Jayne’s hatch opened, and as he stepped out into the walkway he said “You two are up early, either of ya make coffee?” And the moment was gone. Zoe turned abruptly and headed to the galley, and Mal turned to glare at his mercenary. Who was completely clueless as to why he was being glared at.

“What?” Jayne asked. Not wanting to elaborate Mal just shook his head and headed to the cockpit. Where the sounds, and smell, of coffee being made reached him. Followed by the quick step of Zoe heading back down into her bunk, and then of her retching.

 

* * *

  
Jayne was enjoying coffee in one of the chairs situated in the corner of the galley. Coffee the way he liked it. Normally Mal or Zoe made the coffee since one or the both of them often wandered the ship in the early hours of the morning, but, for once, he’d beaten them to it.

“Coffee, thank Buddha” Simon said, entering the galley and pouring himself a cup, as soon as he took a drink, he immediately spluttered. “Oh God, who made this?”

Jayne chuckled, coffee the way he liked it and a whinging Simon. This was turning out to be one of the better mornings he’d had on Serenity since the two fugitives arrived. Mal entering the galley answered Simon’s mostly rhetorical question, “That would be Jayne.”  
“I can see why you always get up so early Captain, someone’s got to beat the man-ape gone wrong to making the coffee.” Simon replied. Jayne frowned. Leave it to the sissy pants doctor to ruin his perfect morning.

Mal glared at Simon and said, “Actually, ’m up early ‘cause a certain doctor can’t seem to keep his hands off my mechanic.” Simon’s face instantly went scarlet and Jayne couldn’t help but laugh. The boy was the best entertainment they’d ever come across as a crew, which almost made up for the massive inconvenience and annoyance he and his sister brought with them.

Kaylee entering the galley gave Mal a friendly punch as she spoke, “Better’n batteries.” And she certainly looked like the Doc wasn’t half bad at sexin’. Jayne couldn’t help but stare, her hair was mussed just the way he liked it, and with those rosy cheeks, well, he’d be in his bunk after he’d finished his coffee.

The coffee that Simon was now starting to throw out. No way in ruttin’ hell was Simon going to throw out his coffee, he jumped out of his chair and headed over to the pot as he spoke, “Hey! I was here first, I git to make the coffee how I like it.”

Mal smiled, clearly enjoying the verbal sparring, and said “Doc needs to keep his strength up Jayne, man needs decent coffee if he’s gonna get as much sleep as Simon’s been gettin’.”

Of course the sissy blushed again, but Kaylee, knowing how to push the Captain’s buttons, went ahead and kissed him anyway. Mal immediately protested, “Not in the galley! Bad ‘nough I have to listen to it at all hours, ‘m not lookin’ at it too.”

Jayne chuckled, this was excellent. Coffee and show. Best morning ever as far as he was concerned.

Kaylee smiled at the Captain and replied, “Ya jus’ wish ya was kissin’ ‘Nara.” Mal didn’t immediately have anything to say, so she turned to the still embarrassed Simon and continued, “You’ll see Simon, once Mal an’ ‘Nara finally get together he won’t care none.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Jayne grunted. Mal continued grousing, but his voice was now bordering on truly angry, “My ship, my rules! An’ I said no kissin’ in the galley.” Kaylee merely glared at him, but there was no heat behind it, and started off toward the engine room with Simon in tow, whispering to him as they went past Jayne, “he didn’ say nuthin’ ‘bout the engine room.” The two smiled mischievously and increased their pace.

Mal sighed and poured himself a cup, only to splutter just like Simon. “Could you make it any stronger?” He asked. Jayne smiled and said, “Just helpin’ a man out.” Mal contemplated that for a moment, then gave him a mock salute with his cup as he headed back toward the bridge.

Jayne got up and poured himself another cup. Excellent morning. Zoe didn’t want any coffee, he’d gotten to watch a show while he drank his first cup, and Kaylee with that hair...On second thought he’d take this cup to go, and he headed to his bunk.

 

* * *

 

 

As Inara slid the door to her room closed behind her, she saw River lounging in the common area near the infirmary reading a book. She smiled at the girl, “How are you this morning River?”

River focused on something distant as she spoke. “Alone, alone, all, all alone. wide wide verse. The many men, so beautiful, they all did lie. Won’t be left, no painted ship on a painted verse, but breath and motion, day after day, day after day.”

Inara wasn’t sure what to say in response. River obviously had caught Inara’s nervousness about returning to the Training House, but she wasn’t sure what her words meant. River smiled at her. “Slept well. Normal sleep patterns returning.”

“So the weaning off of your medication is still going well?” Inara asked. River nodded, “Ge ge worries, but it’s unnecessary.” Inara smiled, Simon did worry, dropping by every night and checking to make sure River was doing well as the doses were lowered. And he didn’t just ask River, he asked Inara as well. That was the reason she had moved out of her shuttle and into the passenger dorms. In order for Simon to have real time to himself, and with Kaylee; he needed a break from watching River, and Inara was more than happy to offer that to him.

“Worry is always unnecessary.” River continued, looking into her eyes.

“Yet it always seems the most necessary.” Inara replied. River nodded understanding her cryptic reply, then returned to her reading. Inara tried not to worry, but she wasn’t sure how the upcoming conversation was going to go with Mal, and she wasn’t sure how things were going to go with the Guild once they landed. Usually she had little trouble controlling her feelings, but she was feeling unsettled and unsure about what to do next, which led to worry. She couldn’t plan what to say because she wasn’t sure herself what she even wanted to say. It was maddening.

Inara continued walking, as she passed the infirmary she paused in the doorway. Simon was reading over a file, but he beckoned her in. “I hope the new sleeping arrangement has been going well.” She said as she approached. He blushed as he smiled and said, “well aside from a few bruises it has.” Inara quirked her face in question and Simon related the incident that had happened that morning. It hurt to laugh as her ribs were still a little bruised from the fight with the Operative, but it felt satisfying to share in something cheerful after everything.

“And have they been going well for you as well?” Simon asked, ever polite. She smiled, “Yes, River and I have little trouble sharing the bathroom, and she appears to be sleeping well.” Simon looked relieved. She knew he felt guilty for sharing the responsibility for his sister, and she tried to allay it. “She seems to enjoy the girl time, and the independence. And it has been nice to have someone to talk to, and to teach. Yesterday she and I went through the tea ceremony.”

He smiled, looking pleased that the new arrangement was working out so well, and Inara felt a pang of guilt. She hadn’t yet decided what she wanted to do, and they were depending on her. But she smiled graciously at him and headed into the cargo bay.

Jayne lifting weights with one arm. His shoulder was still recovering and Simon, much to Jayne’s annoyance, had insisted he not work that arm. She nodded to him. Jayne was the one crew member she had the least in common with, and as such the two of them had not progressed far beyond occasional comments directed at the other in the rest of the crew’s company.

But she could see he was troubled. The deaths of Wash and Book, especially Book, had affected him deeper than he let on, his body language practically screamed grief even as he put up a front of bravado. Inara wasn’t sure how to breach it, or even if she should try seeing as how her situation here might not be permanent. So she just smiled as she continued up through the ship.

Stopping in the engine room, she smiled at Kaylee, who instantly brightened up and came to talk to her. “Did ya hear what happened this mornin’?” She asked, looking mortified. Inara smiled, “Yes, Simon and I had a good laugh over it.” Kaylee looked chagrined, so she continued. “He is happier than I’ve ever seen him, and I think that’s due to you mei mei.”

“Really?” Kaylee asked bashfully, unsure of herself. “Really. You’ve done wonders for the doctor. I never thought I’d hear him joke around.” Inara replied.

“He does more’n joke. I could get used to us.” Kaylee said, smiling a smile that Inara had only seen on Zoe’s face when she’d speak about Wash. Suddenly Inara felt left out, as if Kaylee had a secret that she could never share no matter how she tried. It was odd. Inara had always been the one with secrets, Kaylee was such an open, honest girl, yet here she was holding something in secret that Inara couldn’t hope to discover.

The engine made a small buzzing noise, and instantly Kaylee turned around to work on it waving cheerily to Inara as she headed to the galley as she did.

Zoe was lounging in the corner in one of the chairs reading the cortex, but Inara knew from experience that she was perfectly aware of her approach. As she sat in one of the chairs she smiled at Zoe and asked, “Reading anything good?”

“We’ll see. Not sure how much of this applies.” Zoe said tersely, her tone laced with worry. Inara gently said, “Experience is always the best teacher.” Zoe nodded sadly, closed the cortex hook up and stretched her feet up onto the table.

“We don’t have tea, but Jayne did make what resembles coffee.” Inara smiled at her and replied, “I think I’ll pass on anything Jayne tried to make.” Zoe nodded, “We had a meal rotation once, didn’t last long once the Captain tasted what passed for food when Jayne cooked. Although, might be that was his plan all along.” She smiled, “Once Book arrived we ate better than I ever remember on this boat.” Inara nodded and said, “rosemary.” “Mmmm. Hope we can pick up some more on our next supply run.” Zoe replied.

Inara smiled and said, “Along with some tea.” Zoe nodded, and as Inara stood to leave, picked up her cortex link up again and began to read, frowning as she did so. Inara took a deep breath as she approached the bridge. Mal was sitting in the pilot’s seat, well lounging really. His feet were on the console and he looked more relaxed than he had since she’d come aboard again.

She hated to return him to his normal state, but the Guild had made it clear they had waited long enough. She cleared her throat knowing what she had to say was going to at the very least annoy him. He turned and smiled at her, pleased to see her. “Inara,” he began, his voice warm, beguiling even, but she quickly interrupted him. “Mal, I need you to take me to the Training House.” Instantly his smile faded and his face darkened.

“Ready to get back to civilization then?” He said hostilely. She winced, and speaking carefully, continued. “The Guild has requested my presence for a hearing.” Though he looked guarded she could see hope return to his eyes, hope she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to see there. “We’ll just swing on by on the way to the drop.”

“Actually, it’s a bit more involved than that.” At her words the hope left his eyes, and she wasn’t entirely sure she didn’t want to see it there. He sighed, “We can’t stay more ‘n a day, otherwise delivery of the goods will be late. Don’ get paid to dilly dally.” She nodded, “Of course, I don’t want to inconvenience you, but I’m sure a simple drop off won’t delay you too badly.”

“Drop off?” Mal queried, he sounded more concerned than confused.

“Yes, it will likely take at least a week.” She replied, keeping her tone even and neutral. She knew he was wound up already and didn’t want to work him up further.

“A week. What in the hell kind of a hearing takes a week?” He sounded both angry and disbelieving. She winced at his tone, and he looked repentant as he quieted down, letting her answer what was mostly a rhetorical question.”

“Yes Mal, a week. The Guild is a bureaucracy, so it takes time for these things to be done.” She tried not to sound impatient and annoyed, hoping Mal wouldn’t press for details. She didn’t understand what was going to happen herself and didn’t need him to go all busybody on her, as he’d done before so disastrously.

“Fine. You’ll get your week.” He said with almost good grace. She could tell he wasn’t happy about what she’d ask, but he also certainly wanted her to come back. She smiled and said, “Thank you.”

He turned to smile up at her, almost kindly, “No need ta thank me ‘Nara, would prob’ly take us that long to get back to ya anyhow. ‘Sides, I suspect Kaylee would love ta get in some good shore time with the Doc.” He smiled and added, “Fact, I’d love fer her ta get some good shore time in.”

“Yes, I imagine sharing a wall would get rather tiresome.” She smirked at him, knowing the thought of his mei mei having sex with the doctor was bad enough, but having to hear those unmistakable sounds, well it was almost heroic how he’d accommodated the pair. Especially as one of them included Simon, who had a nearly miraculous way of pissing Mal off.

“Tiresome. Ain’t that the truth. Been a month and they’re still at it like breedin’ rabbits.” Inara laughed at Mal’s forced annoyance. Though it was true he was annoyed with the pair, it was also obvious he was pleased with Kaylee’s happiness.

Mal opened his mouth to say something more, but snapped it shut and feigned busyness at the controls. She could only suspect a sharp barb about her profession had been hastily swallowed. Interesting. She smiled at him, and headed back to the galley, feeling his eyes on her down the seemingly endless hallway.

 

* * *

 

 

Mal stood near the controls in the cargo bay, listening.

“Woulda been nice ta see the trainin’ house, all them pretties in their fine dresses.” Kaylee said, almost wistfully to Simon. He replied almost absent mindedly, “Yes, little companions in training.” But the acerbic sarcasm instantly had Kaylee’s back up.

“I know that.” She snapped back. Simon was confused, boy always was a bit thick, and he quickly tried to repair the damage, “Oh, I mean, it’s just-“ “What?” Kayle interrupted him sharply. Simon knew he was in trouble and nearly stuttered, “Well, it’s just-“ He trailed off, clearly thinking of a way to defuse the situation. Kaylee glared at him, “Spit it out.”

Simon kept fumbling, “I just, I can’t imagine you there.” Mal winced, and Kaylee’s voice when she replied was softer and definitely hurting, “Ya don’ see me that way?” But Simon seemed obvlious, “No. Of course not.”

Kaylee looked like a slapped puppy as she pushed past Mal and hurried to the engine room, Simon confusedly tried to follow, but then River’s voice wafted down from the galley muttering some nonsense that sounded like, “Bare branches. Dormant. Waiting for spring.” And Simon sighing, instead went to check on his sister.

Mal sighed heavily. Of course Inara’s leaving would stir things up. But he hadn’t expected it to happen so quickly. Now he’d have to endure a meal full of Kaylee being sad, Simon being stupid, Zoe being cagey, Jayne being Jayne, and River being crazy. Lately he’d been able to count on Inara for decent dinner conversation, strange how he’d come to expect to see her there at his elbow at every meal.

Strange how he’d gotten use to her cooking dinner for them all, managing to make protein taste not half bad. Strange how- he shook his head. No sense thinking on someone who didn’t want to be thought on. Sure he’d wished like hell she was elsewhere, but once she was on his boat again it all came rushing back, and despite everything he still felt like being truthsome. Only problem was she didn’t.

He snorted, who’d she think she was fooling. A week for a hearing. He wasn’t sure what she was up to, and he was damn sure that’s the way she wanted it. He wanted to kick himself. She hadn’t answered a question straight for weeks. She was always like smoke. Wafting around him, he could see it, taste it, smell it, but never catch it.

Hearing a shriek from River and Simon’s attempts at calming her he shook himself, and headed up into the ship to see if he could help settle her down.


	3. Hearing

It was odd to watch Serenity lift off. She had been utterly relieved the first time she had seen the ship lift off without her, but now she felt unsettled, as if part of her had been burned during atmo. She didn’t like the feeling. Serenity was supposed to be a grand adventure, and instead what it had brought her was more confusion.

At first it had been exciting to experience the rim. To see how people on the outer planets lived, and it had been invigorating to taste a bit of freedom, but then she had started to inexorably slot into the family Mal had created on Serenity. And that was terrifying. She had only known one family, and that family had given her nothing but pain. So she ran, ran back to what she knew.

What she knew was the Training House, that was her origin as Inara the companion, Inara as she knew herself to be. It had been a complete relief to sink back into training, just as it had been her haven when she first joined the guild as a girl, it was still so. This was her true family, this was where her true self lay.

But then the Operative had come and shattered her peace, shattered the balance she had struck within herself. Mal re-entering her life had been nothing but painful, for both of them. Then they had discovered the secret of Miranda, lost two of their friends, and she just couldn’t bear to leave them alone in the medical facility. And then she couldn’t bear to leave them in dry dock. And then she couldn’t bear to leave them as they searched for work. If the Guild hadn’t insisted upon a hearing she doubted whether she would have returned at all. Once their lives had been shattered it was almost impossible not to fall into the place Mal wanted for her on Serenity. It was more seductive than any of the wiles she’d been trained to employ. The idea that she could belong with people who loved her was intoxicating...

She shook herself. That was impossible. She did not belong on Serenity. She did not belong on the rim. She did belong here. This was who she was, there was no Inara without Inara the Companion. Nothing in her life had thrown her in as much confusion as Serenity, and it was worse now than ever. She missed them. Missed them all. Both the dead and the living. Worse, she ached to help them. She yearned to soothe River, to grieve with Zoe, to giggle with Kaylee, and converse with Simon. They needed her far more than any client, and though none of them had coin she found herself caring anyway.

Worst of all the Training House that had twice in her life been such a haven now felt more like a prison. After all she’d seen and experienced she just couldn’t narrow her sphere back into the walls and gardens. As she sat in meditation she couldn’t rid herself of visions of the possible promise Serenity held for her. Now, after her second foray into space, she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

She sighed, of course it felt like a prison, she was confined to her chamber until the hearing took place, and she had no doubt that once it was over she would come to her senses. She merely needed time back where she belonged to remember who she was. In a few hours her two days of troubled meditation would be resolved, and she could continue her life along the path laid out for her as a nine year old girl.

 

* * *

 

Zoe wrinkled her nose as she stepped into the galley. Simon was at the stove, stirring something that smelt like trenchfoot, looking as horrified with the smell as she was.

She smiled and spoke, “Ain’t yer turn for cookin’ yet is it Doc?”

He looked surprised to see her and immediately started talking over himself, “No, I just, well, I think I may have offended Kaylee, so...”

Zoe couldn’t help but tease him, “May have?”

Simon smiled back at her, “Okay, probably.”

Zoe quirked her eyebrow at him and he threw his hands in the air as he spoke, “Definitely,” a touch of frustration in his voice.

Zoe felt sympathy for him, remembering all too well the bumps and spats between her and Wash, but not sure what to say she made light of it, wouldn’t do for her to go all misty-eyed.

“Woulda thought that was all over ‘n done with on account a-“

Simon sighed heavily, “Obviously not.”

She smiled at him, remembering another occasion when he had hurt Kaylee’s feelings. “At least there’s no cow fetuses involved.”

Smiling, Simon drily replied, “Oh I don’t know, could be some in this protein.”  
Come to think on it, it was odd to see Simon cooking.

“So ya thought ya’d cook ‘er somethin’ ta brighten ‘er spirits?” She asked, and he immediately confirmed her suspicions with his dejected reply, “something like that.”

She couldn’t solve their problems over night, but she could at least make his attempt taste a bit better than what he’d concocted so far.

“We did get paid...” She hinted.

Simon stared at her in blank confusion. Of course. Always did have to spell things out for Simon, so she continued, “Might be ya could make her somethin’ tastier than protein.”

Technically Mal had put her in charge of the supply run, but all the smells she was bound to run into in the market, well, there weren't nothing wrong with a bit of delegation.

As Simon stammered his thanks and took the small bag of coins from her she made sure to remind him to get the rest of the supplies which were written on the list inside the bag. She then shooed him out of the kitchen, and holding her breath set to work scrubbing away the awful stink of protein he’d tried to cook. She could only hope he did better the next time around as she did her best to breathe through her mouth and not give in to the urge to vomit.

 

* * *

 

This was not his best day ever. Not his worst. Must remember that. Worst days usually involved death, injury was quite preferable to death, even if it did involve himself. Though all things considered he’d prefer no injury to injury, and the way this drop was going it didn’t look as if they’d come out unscathed.

Didn’t help that he felt sore in his gut, that he couldn’t move as quickly or nimbly as usual.

And that he’d left both Zoe and Crazy aboard Serenity on the grounds that this was a milk run.

And that Jayne was also not quite one hundred percent either.

At first the client seemed affable, but as soon as Mal opened his mouth things had gone a bit sour. Man just couldn’t understand why they couldn’t land at his estate.

“I thought you had been told you to keep a low profile! Landing on the main docks isn’t exactly low profile, Captain Reynolds.” He sneered.

Mal grit his teeth as he replied “Ain’t like there’s someplace else to land, world like this is full of sensors. We try and land anywhere but the dock guarantee feds would come a-sniffin’.”

“And how am I supposed to get them back to my estate? I’m not paying you for dropping them at the dock.”

Before Mal could come up with a nice polite reply to smooth the man’s ruffled feathers Jayne jumped in, “Seems ya got plen’y a room on yer conveyance there.”

Mal resisted the impulse to cuff the great lump of muscle next o him as he eyed the body guard, noting the man seemed to be getting ready for violence, when suddenly Simon approached. Mal wanted to shoot the boy in frustration, he had a talent for pissing people off and putting his foot in his mouth, if he spoke they’d likely all get shot, and who exactly would patch them back up again? But Simon ignored his attempts at waving him off and not only approached but spoke.

“Sir. My apologies for the crew, it isn’t often we do business in the core, seems their manners aren’t quite polished.” His tone was firm, yet polite, and Mal realized for the first time that perhaps Simon’s foot in mouth syndrome might just be a product of culture shock.

The client smiled at Simon, once again affable, and suddenly much more understanding.

“You must understand boy,” the man said arrogantly, but less belligerently, “I don’t have time to play courier to my own delivery. When one pays that much for some crates to be delivered one expects them to arrive promptly at your doorstep. Imagine my surprise when I realized that my cargo hadn’t been dropped off on time as promised.”

Simon nodded, looking the picture of refinement as he spoke, “once again, I am so very sorry sir, but unfortunately our shuttle suffered some unforeseeable damage during atmospheric entry, which made personal delivery of your cargo impossible. I hope loading it into your personal shuttle will suffice.”

The client nodded in agreement as he spoke, “seeing that you’re a respectable outfit, I don’t see why not.”

“Thank you, and again apologies for the inconvenience.” And with that Simon directed Jayne to load the crates onto the man’s rather fancy shuttle, all while carrying on small talk with their client.

Mal felt flabbergasted. Simon actually making himself useful outside of a medical emergency, he didn’t think he’d even ever conjured such a sight. Once the client and his body guard had taken off in the shuttle he turned to Simon.  
“Not that I don’ ‘ppreciate what ya did there doc, but what are ya doin’ out and about? Didn’ think you normally left the ship.”

Simon shrugged, “Zoe suggested I could pick up some supplies.”

Jayne snorted, but Mal smiled, about time the boy started to pull his weight, and replied, “seems the life of crime suits after all.”

Simon didn’t look comfortable with the idea of leading a life of crime, but at least he kept his mouth closed on the subject.

So, it wasn’t his best day ever, but he had coin in hand, new work lined up, and since Simon seemed to have found some fresh produce a more tasty dinner than they’d been treated to in a few weeks.

Course the ship still felt strangely empty without a certain, no best not to be thinking on that. Hard not to with Zoe grieving, and Kaylee preoccupied with the doctor, but he’d done his best to fill the time with Captainy duties like checking the helm every few hours, and clearing out the passenger dorms. Good honest physical labour always did wonders to take his mind off things. Course now that he’d emptied passenger dorms it was going to be a whole lot harder to keep his mind-wait, he’d just use Jayne’s weight set. Yeah. That would do just fine.

 

* * *

 

Three high priestesses were sitting on the dais, they were dressed in the latest fashions from Sihnon. The priestess in the middle had oriental features, her hair with a dark violet sheen that complimented her intricately embroidered gown. The one to her left had long strawberry blond hair and a dusting of freckles across her face, and in keeping with her wholesome appearance a demure shade of apricot was draped artfully around her body. The woman to her right had deep ebony skin and hair falling in soft ombred curls, a tight, nearly sheer gown of green clothing her skin.

Three, and all from Sihnon. Inara tried to keep her features blank of the surprise she felt. It was most unusual to have a hearing with three in attendance, usually only one presided-one from the house of the companion. To have three high priestesses all from Sihnon was unprecedented. Inara felt adrenaline course through her body, clenching her stomach, speeding her heart rate, and cooling her skin. This was not what she’d expected. She’d expected a short interview, a formality really, before being accepted back into full activity. She’d never even heard of a hearing presided by three high priestesses.

“Zhufu ni, mei mei” The priestess in the middle greeted her. Inara quickly replied in kind, feeling awkward and exposed as she stood in the middle of the room, her head level with the chests of the women in front of her.

“You understand of course why we are here.” The priestess continued, her finger following a line of violet embroidery on her lap. Though Inara didn’t fully comprehend why all of them were, she graciously stated she did. The priestess to her left, the redhead narrowed her eyes and spoke.

“You had the house swarming with soldiers, scaring your students half to death.”

Inara bowed her head, knowing better than to speak unless asked. She continued, her eyes focused on Inara's features.

“That man is a criminal, a thief, tariff dodger, not worth the notice of a Companion like yourself. And yet you left with him.” Inara studied the floor, her stomach in knots.

“Didn’t contact us until six days ago when we called for this hearing. Unacceptable. A woman of your standing. Do you know what damage your behaviour has done to the Guild’s reputation?”

Inara knew better than to answer that question. The priestess glared at her.

“You showed such promise once Inara. You could have been a priestess yourself.” She sighed and lapsed into silence.

The priestess to Inara’s right, in green, then began to speak, forthright and bold.

“You are an excellent teacher. The work you have done in this Training House is remarkable. And you were an admirable ambassador for the Guild throughout the rim during your travels. However, your involvement with Captain Reynolds,” she paused, “could cost you your registration.”

The priestess in the center spoke, her eyes still studying her embroidery, “we have decided that you have spent enough time on the Rim, and have recommended your return to Sihnon."

Inara felt as though ice had entered her bloodstream.

“We know the reasons for your departure, however, we feel that there won’t be a problem with your return. It is time for you to stop this ridiculous adventuring and settle back into a life more fitting for a woman of your standing.” She looked up, smiling a smile that didn't reach her eyes as she continued, “in fact certain members of the Sihnon set have been asking for your return for nearly a year now.”

And in that moment Inara felt the last trappings of herself fall away to reveal only fear. She spoke, knowing even as she did so that there would be no reconsideration, no change of mind, but she had to speak, she could not go back to Sihnon.

“What about Osiris, or-”

But the priestess to her right cut her off, “absolutely not. You are in no position to ask anything Inara. You are lucky to retain your license as a Companion.”

Inara gritted her teeth, “I cannot go back to Sihnon.”

“That matter has been resolved.” The priestess in the center said, her voice quiet.

Inara knew she was lying. Her world tipped over the way she had always imagined Simon’s had upon receiving that letter from River.


	4. Belonging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh! Why is updating the formatting such a pain? Almost as difficult as writing the damn chapters. Hopefully in my frustration I didn't make any errors, but if I did please be a dear and comment.
> 
> Or you know, comment anyway, comments are always 'ppreciated.

Zoe often found herself wandering the ship. Mal was checking the helm, Jayne was in his bunk, Kaylee was tinkering with the mule down in the cargo bay while River chattered away to her like a little bird, and judging by the delicious smell coming out of the galley Simon was successfully cooking his apology meal for Kaylee.

She smiled, remembering the rare times she cooked for Wash. Wife soup. She missed him most on days like this. When the crew were taking their ease as they floated through space, those were the moments that she and Wash enjoyed each other’s company the most. She could lose herself in frenetic activity when there was work to be done, but seeing as how Mal had done all the work possible to be done in his effort to keep his mind off Inara, it left her with too much time to think on Wash. And to think on what Wash was going to miss out on. What he should have been here for.

As she entered the galley she felt her heart squeeze just a bit tighter. Simon had set the table for two, and even dug out some old candles which were casting a soft glimmery light over the table. Wash and she had once shared candlelit dinners. Never on Serenity, but once or twice he’d taken her out for a real date, and oh-

She sat down heavily in Wash’s chair. The chair left so carefully empty when the crew ate together. The chair no one looked at. The chair that was silent in a way Wash never was. Her eyes were dripping tears down her face, and suddenly a small noise caught her attention.

Simon was staring at her, concern etched into his features. She wiped the tears away and spoke, “Smell’s real good Doc.” Simon nodded at her, and sat stiffly next to her.

“I’m- well-I’m really sorry about Wash. He was a good man, a great man. I’m sorry we lost him, that, that you lost him. I’m just, I, I don’t know what to say, I’m so sorry. If it wasn’t for me and River he’d still be here, and I, I’m sorry.” He stammered out more to the table than to her.

It was as good a time as any she supposed. She’d been meaning to ask him for weeks, but just couldn’t bear to hear the news without Wash by her side, or see the compassion in Simon’s eyes when he told her, but since she’d already cried in front of him once today, might as well forge onward. She was shocked at the quaver in her voice when she spoke, “Think you could check somethin’ for me?”

She didn’t turn to see Simon’s face, but he gently agreed, and led the way to the infirmary.

 

The first time he’d been asked for a pregnancy test he’d been a new intern at the hospital in Capitol city. The girl had been about thirteen and scared out of her wits, her voice had trembled as she’d asked, and watching the hope in her eyes die as he gave her the results had been one of the harder things he’d had to do. It was always easier to give the patient news they wanted to hear, to be the source of joy and hope. No matter how many times he gave bad news it never got any easier.

The last thing he wanted to see was the tiny glimmer of hope in Zoe’s eyes disappear. He had a feeling this probable pregnancy was the only thing holding her together right now. So, no matter how much the idea of a pregnancy, delivery, and newborn aboard Serenity seemed like a bad idea to him he had never wanted a pregnancy test to turn positive more. Except, for maybe the eventual day it would be Kaylee smiling as she buoyantly waited for him to give her the joyous results. If there was anything in all of this he was glad of it was her, even if she wasn’t speaking to him at the moment.

As the final seconds ticked away on his watch he said a silent prayer more out of habit than faith, and as the screen notified him that the results were ready he took a deep breath before he opened them. Thank Buddha. Positive.

Smiling he turned to Zoe, “Looks like you’ll be having a baby in about eight months.”

He’d almost forgotten what a happy Zoe looked like, that wide smile which touched and lightened her eyes.

“I’ll need to see you again in a month to make sure everything is on track.”

She nodded, her happiness now tinged with a bit of apprehension. Simon continued, not wanting her to be worried, “Not that I think it won’t be, I mean, you’re healthy and fit, I’m sure everything will be fine.”

She smiled as she made to leave the infirmary, “Sounds fine Doc.”

He nodded to her as she left, feeling overwhelmed. He had done just a few weeks in Maternity when he’d been an intern, and only one birth, Petaline’s, as the primary . He had no idea how to go about providing proper prenatal care. Well, just one more thing to research. At least this research would actually go somewhere, unlike his fruitless searching on River’s condition. He pulled out his cortex and began reading; the dinner he had planned for Kaylee far from his mind as he lost himself in medical jargon and began to feel a faint sense of excitement.

 

* * *

 

It smelled good, like the food they used to have at home. Not home. Here was home. A flying house. River wanted to laugh at the idea of an estate like the Tam’s sprouting wings and flying through space. The table was rough hewn, the chairs didn’t match. The candles were at odd lengths and made from cast off wax in mis matching colours. Mother would never have let any of this into the Tam estate.

Especially not the hulk of a man currently snitching food. Jayne was hastily slurping from a bowl, so thoroughly enjoying his food he didn’t hear her approach. She simply reached over his shoulder and snatched the bowl. He quickly turned and glared at her. The special curled lip glare he reserved only for River and Simon. Crazy and Sissy.

He held out his hand, but she quickly shifted the bowl behind her and spoke. “Tired, overloaded, won’t run fast. Needs more fuel.”

It didn’t come out quite like she’d planned, and Jayne rolled his eyes then made a quick grab for the bowl. It was simple to outmanoeuvre him, and fun.

“Not yours, not yours.” She practically sang, but the look in his eye when he next spoke stopped her cold.

“Ya see anyone else in ‘ere moonshine?”

He’d always disliked her, but after the Maidenhead incident, and then the can dropping incident, and then all that followed, well. Now his dislike was bordering on something else. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on, but knowing Jayne it was likely to be dangerous.

“Here, but not here. Waiting” She started to explain, but it didn’t come out right.

Jayne snorted and replied more to the walls than to her, “can’t never get a straight answer.”

Before she could stop herself the words just spilled out, “frustrated, mad, no time for whores, gotta lift off this rock.”

Jayne glared at her venomously, “Ya watch yer tongue or I’ll cut it out fer ya ta look at.”

He stalked out of the galley. Each time his boots hit the floor the sound thunderously impaled her chest. She knew she shouldn’t listen to other people’s thoughts, but sometimes when she was frustrated she couldn’t help it. It was so much easier than waiting for spoken words. She set the bowl on the table, and laid her arm and head next to it with a heavy sigh.

 

If Jayne was a thunder cloud then Kaylee was sunshine. As she entered the galley she smiled at the lovely aroma, River smiled up at her. “For you. Left it.”

Kaylee didn’t understand, so River tried again, “Made it for you, felt bad, didn’t mean to.”

It still didn’t come out right. Kaylee settled in to eat, reaching out and squeezing River’s hand as she did. “Oh honey don’t feel bad.” River smiled, maybe she could try one more time to explain.

Mal came tromping into the galley. Seeing his pilot and mechanic at their ease he spoke harshly. “Ain’t’cha supposed ta be somewhere? can’t leave this gorram rock wi’out –“ he quickly looked repentant at Kaylee’s startled eyes, but plowed on anyway. “Well?”

Kaylee glared at him, and still upset over Simon and missing Inara she stormed to the engine room. Mal quickly turned his attention to River. “Well?”

“Waiting for spring.” She replied. Mal sighed, this time speaking kindlier to her, “Ain’t no seasons on a spaceship darlin’”

River shook her head. It just didn’t ever come out right. “No, no seasons. Waiting, waiting for the sun to come out and warm her.”

Mal sighed and gently replied, “Ain’t we all.”

He then awkwardly patted her shoulder, and clearly concluding she was ‘too crazy to fly’ headed up to the bridge, leaving her at the table.

River sighed as she traced patterns in the wood. It never came out quite as she meant it

  
The week couldn’t be over soon enough. Mal was anxious to get Inara back on the ship. For River’s sake, and Kaylee’s. And Zoe’s and Jayne’s. And even Simon’s.

 

* * *

 

Kaylee and the Doc were still not on speaking terms, which to his mind was a blessing, since Simon therefore couldn’t piss her off any worse. Course it also meant his bunk was back to being nice and quiet, but that wasn’t a blessing. The silence left far too much room for thinking and made his excuses for wandering the boat wear rather thin.

Didn’t help none that River was currently undergoing a bit of a crazy spell. Meant he’d had to spend far too much time up at the helm with nothing to do but look over the cortex and think. Too many places for his thoughts to stray. Serenity Valley. Zoe. Wash. Book. Tracey. And Inara. His mind always came back to Inara, ever since... Well ever since she’d told him he wanted her on his ship all those months ago.

There was one bright spot in all of this though, the drop off had gone surprising well, thanks to the surprising intervention of a surprising person. Simon embracing a life of crime was strangely settling. Made Mal almost hope a certain other corebred person might someday be willing to do the same. Hell, he’d settle for no longer distancing herself from it, he wasn’t about to get greedy.

Hadn’t slipped his notice that all Inara’s answers were non answers. He sighed. The woman tied him up in knots. She’d slotted into their chore rotation, helped Simon with River and made up a passenger dorm into a home for herself. But still she’d distanced herself, as if, well as if she weren’t sure if she belonged. She didn’t. He knew it. But he still wanted, well, what he hadn’t wanted since before the war.

He found himself aching for just her. Her by his side. Her smile at his jokes. Her sigh at his stupidity. Her anger, her laughter. Dare he say it, her love. It startled him more than a little, to feel again when he’d been numb for so long, and it was more than a might unsettling.

There were three more days out, and if River didn’t sane up it was going to be a long three days. No wonder Wash played with dinosaurs.

 

“Alone, alone, all, all alone. Alone in a wide wide verse. The many men, and they all dead lie.” River’s voice intoned flatly.

Girl could be down right creepifying when she wanted to be. He didn’t blame Jayne in the least for hiding in his bunk. When River wasn’t all there in the brainpan it tended to put them all on edge. Hell he’d be in his bunk if he weren’t busy doing captainy things.

She settled into the copilot’s chair and stared dreamily at the stars as they slid on by. Usually he could work out what she was trying to say, and since the whole debacle on Mr Universe’s moon she’d seemed to be getting better, but once Inara stepped off ship so had River’s clarity.  
At least she combed her hair now.

He turned and spoke gently, “That right?”

Generally if he were confused she’d try again.

She smiled, quoting him “Yes, I know a poem, try not to faint.”

Huh. “Can repeat the past too now?”

That was downright shuddersome, having his own words thrown back to him when she hadn’t even been there when he’d said them. She smiled at him. Her eyes looked clear, and if he wasn’t mistaken a bit frustrated.

“Yes. So can you.”

With a twitch to her jaw she turned and stared back at the stars leaving him to chew on her words. Well, a River mystery was a much better way to spend whiling hours away on the bridge than thinking on what had been and trying not to think about what might be. He was fair sure he’d figure it out in two and half days ride, no wait, make that a fifty nine hour ride.

 

* * *

 

It didn’t look half bad. She’d spent the better part of six days on it, but without a mattress it just looked like a big counter. Or shelf. Or somethin’. Not quite what she’d had in mind when she’d started. She was fair sure that Simon had attempted to cook her a romantic dinner a few days back, and since neither of them were that great with words she’d decided to attempt her own romantic gesture by widening her bed.

She turned to the sound of her hatch opening to see Simon making his way down, looking repentant and hesitant.

She smiled, “Was hopin’ ya’d stay away fer a bit longer.”

Simon looked at her, confusion in his eyes as he spoke haltingly, “I can go-“

She shook her head as she interrupted him, “I’m almos’ finished.” She said gesturing to the bed, “Look, we can pull it out, make the bed bigger.”

Almost before she finished speaking he pulled her in close to him, an uncertain smile on his face. “I’m sorry about what I said before, I just, I just want to keep you away from all of that. To keep you the way you are.” He mumbled into her hair.

She pulled back a little from him, “Ya know how I found my way onta Serenity doncha?” He nodded, confusion back on his features.

“Then ya should know, I ain’t all sheltered or anything, I know what trainin’ houses are for.”

“It’s not that, it’s, it’s the falsity of it. You’re not, you’re not like that.”

She could feel her heart plummeting to her feet as he spoke. It was as if he were confirming her fears, she wasn’t well mannered, she wasn’t refined, she wasn-“You’re beautiful, but not because someone taught you exactly how to ply yourself. You just are.”

Tears sprang to her eyes and she smiled up at him, “Aw, now that was real pretty.”

He smiled back at her, “You think so? I’ve been practicing ever since, well, since we last spoke.”

Kaylee felt her heart wrench, even though he was in a joking mood they could have spent the last six days sexin’ instead of sleepin’ in separate parts of the ship. She started to apologize, “Sorry ‘bout that, ‘m not real good at talkin’.”

Simon smiled at her as he stroked her cheek gently, “me either.”

He pulled her in close and again spoke into her hair, “You’re beautiful Kaylee. Maybe you’re not core elegant or decked out in finery, but you’re beautiful. I wouldn’t want you dressed up all fancy, wearing so much makeup I couldn’t even see you.”

Kaylee smiled, it was sweet how he was too embarrassed to face her, and spoke into his neck her ownself, “That’s the shiniest thing anyone’s ever said ta me.”

In return Simon placed a few kisses along her collarbone, then smiled up at her as he drily stated, “glad to know I’m getting better at it.”

She playfully smacked him on the arm, only to realize she was still wearing heavy welding gloves. She felt the blush creep over her face, but Simon smiled wider and pulled her in close for serious kissing.

 

* * *

 

Considering the sounds emanating from Kaylee’s bunk it sounded like the two of them had made up, and while Simon annoyed him to no end and the thought of little Kaylee doing that sent shudders down his spine he was glad of it. Just like Simon’s intervention at the drop off the idea of the two of them together gave him hope for his ownself. If Simon could fix his foot in mouth syndrome and adapt to life in space then maybe, maybe it might be worth it to be truthsome with Inara.

Well he’d find out in just a matter of hours now, they’d be kissing dirt in just under forty hours, and the idea of Inara set butterflies to dancing in his stomach and his palms to tingling. The idea of being truthsome, of making something of the two of them, he hadn’t felt this nervous since asking Millie to dance at the barn raising almost fifteen years ago when he was just a schoolboy.

Course he couldn’t be sure about Inara. Woman could lie better than, well better than most, but he was fair certain she meant to return. Couldn’t be sure though. Her companion training made her slippery, as slick as the silks she liked to wear. Still, would be nice to have her back on board. Zoe had retreated back into herself a day or so after Inara had left, River had become far less decipherable, and he had a feeling that Inara would have helped Kaylee and Simon smooth things over within hours of their little spat instead of nigh on a week after. She might not belong, but she sure as hell left a hole when she wasn’t there-and wasn’t that the definition of belonging?


	5. The Lion

Mal waved Inara just as they’d agreed. No point in her waitin’ round the docks, especially as Serenity could be hours off schedule and docks tended to be rather unsavoury places, so soon as he’d set Serenity down he waved the Training House, his stomach attempting to jump out his mouth as he did so. Only that woman was not Inara.

“Name?” She asked coldly, Mal did a double take. He was sure he’d dialled Inara’s private cortex hookup, not the main Training House, but putting it down to nerves he smiled his most genteel smile and identified himself.

“Captain Reynolds.”

“Who were you trying to reach?” She sneered.

Mal felt his hackles rise at her condescending tone, but he did his best to keep his own tone level if not exactly polite. “Inara Serra.”

The woman looked at something beyond the wave screen, and then connected him to-not Inara. He knew something was wrong, something was off, and immediately flailed for answers as he half listened to yet another condescending voice. His heart sank to his boots.

“Whadya mean she ain’t there?” He choked out as something the woman said penetrated the swirling thoughts in his mind.

The woman looked affronted at his angry and uncouth words, but replied with insufferable politeness anyway.

“As I was saying Captain Reynolds, about five days ago Inara took passage on a liner back to Sihnon.”

She looked as if she were about to say something more, but Mal shut the wave off.  
Back to Sihnon. He shoulda known. Course she’d go back. Her days of adventuring on the Rim were over, this left a nice clean break. No wheedling words from Kaylee or River begging her to stay. No pleas for the loss of her polite society from Simon. No angry cold shoulder from...  
Well. No point dwelling on it. They had a job to do. Mal grabbed his pistol and his coat, yelled for Jayne and headed out to the meet.

 

* * *

 

Jayne did his best not to glare at the man standin’ next to him. They had a job to do and Mal was making a mess of it. He woulda thought seein’ as how they had a newly repaired ship stocked with all manner of tasty freshness and more work lined up that he’d be in a good mood. But Mal was always in a bad mood whenever Jayne expected him to be in a good mood. And in a good mood whenever Jayne expected him to be in a bad one come to think on it.  
But this was almost dangerous. The way he was baiting the man. Funny as hell, but seeing as how they had five guns to their two, well, he sure as hell weren’t laughin’. If he kept carryin’ on he was gonna get the pair of them killed.

He’d seen Mal like this a few times afore. There didn’ never seem to be much of any reason behind it. Least as far as he could tell. Course he weren’t one fer reason. Trackin’ and shootin’ a man he could do, but understandin’ one, hell, that weren’ never a part of his job.

Though the way Mal acted from time ta time maybe it should be. Unbalanced and half cocked could get a body killed. Specifically his body. Time like this Zoe’d usually take over, but she was with the ship, again, so iffin he didn’ wanna get shot, and he really didn’, he’d have to shut the Captain up before they both got shot up.

Course doin’ so was touchy at best. Doing his best to sound blandly bored he spoke, “Captain.”

Mal turned immediately, and seeing Jayne’s very confused and hesitant expression immediately looked taken aback. He seemed to be thinkin’ that if Jayne weren’t enjoyin’ the intimidatin’ then clearly he’d gone a bit too far. That stung a bit, but at least Mal was back to bein’ more like his business self.

Soon the room relaxed, hands stopped clenchin’ awful near guns and though the contact was hardly likely to do business with Mal ever again least there’d been no shootin’. Not that he didn’ like shootin’, jus’ didn’ like shootin’ when the odds were heavily stacked against him. To his surprise there was no dressing down for his ‘insubordination’ as the captain liked to put it, course there was no thanks for doin’ his job either. Mal simply asked the contact to have the crates brought to Serenity within the hour. So that was it. ‘Nara must not be gettin’ back onboard. Soon as they were back to Serenity he was gonna high tail it to his bunk. No sense sittin’ around becomin’ a target for Mal’s worsening mood.

The months after she’d left the last time were among the worst he remembered, least on Serenity. There’d been many months far worse than those before he’d come aboard, but Mal was an expert at alienating crewfolk when he was in a foul mood. He’d never seen a man drive people away so quick, or so effectively.

Mal was hardly payin’ attention to anything, or anyone on the way back to the ship. He nearly bowled over a child, and stepped on a few women’s skirts without so much as a backward glance. Soon as they got to Serenity he yelled for crazy.

“Albatross, I wana be lookin’ at stars in about-“

Jayne turned to see what had stopped Mal-must be something formidable, like an armed Zoe to stop him cold like that with the towering rage he was in. It was just Crazy. She was standing at the top of the catwalk holding Inara’s bow and dressed like a Companion. Mal looked extremely confused, and before he could regain his howling temper, she spoke.

“Bare branches. Dormant. Waiting for spring.” Her voice trembled at first, but became stronger as she spoke.

Mal looked thoughtful for a moment, then he shook his head pushed past Jayne and headed up toward River. She glared at him all the while. The anger in her eye sent shivers down his spine but Mal walked right past her, marching up to the bridge.

Then she shrieked. The same god awful sound she’d made when the Reavers’d landed on Lilac. It chilled his blood, but even before he asked her the question on his mind she turned to him and flatly said, “no.” Then she ran after the captain.

She was the creepiest thing he’d ever come across. Only two things scared him in the verse. Reavers and River Tam.

 

* * *

 

River smiled. Only two things scared Jayne Cobb: Reavers and River Tam. Surprisingly elegant for a musclebound gun for hire. But the smile was just a blip on the radar. The Captain was radiating intense rage, and since Zoe was absorbed with her baby, and Simon and Kaylee with each other, and Jayne being Jayne it was up to her. If she could make him understand.

She thought she’d been perfectly clear. She’d dressed just like Inara, she’d told him she was waiting for spring, but in a blind rage he’d pushed right past her. He was like a wounded lion. If you wounded a lion everyone knew you had to go and kill it. Otherwise in its thoughtless rage it would kill anyone that came near it, whether they were the cause of the wound or not.

The men were already loading crates aboard Serenity. A very confused Jayne had taken over the loading, and Zoe would be there momentarily. River stared at the closed, and likely locked, door to the bridge. Mal was biding his time, a lonely vigil before he could escape to the black. A locked door had never stopped her before, it was just a manner of shimmying through the ductwork, yes. That would leave her approximately ten minutes to explain.

She gritted her teeth, braced herself and crawled up toward the bridge. After several grimy minutes she emerged in the lower deck of the bridge. She estimated surprise would guarantee at least a moment of his attention so she quickly sprang up the stairs.

“Ai ya! Where the hell did you come from?”

“Numbers aren’t quantified.”

Mal grumbled a rather colourful phrase of Chinese under his breath which would have made Simon blush. She had to try again.

“They all did lie. They all dead lie.”

He glared at her, “educating about homonyms now?” He said in a most unkind voice.

She frowned at him and spoke, “she’s not here.”

Mal looked slightly taken aback, but he replied stonily, “that’s right. She’s on her way back to Sihnon.”

“No.” She said forcefully.

“What do you mean no?” He was losing patience with her, but he had to know, so she said it again. “No.”

“I ain’t in the mood for one of yer riddles.”

He moved toward her, River knew he was angry enough to try a forcible removal from the bridge, but she kept trying anyway.

“Not a riddle. She’s not going back.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, I know she’s not coming back-“ his voice trailed off, finally, he was using his brain. Noticing her word choice, he looked up at her confused.

“No liner.” She stated. He looked almost horrified.

“How do you know that?”

“Numbers aren’t quantified.” And she saw on his face clear as day that he finally understood. Which was a relief. She knew she could have forced him to listen, or made Serenity unable to fly, but this was better. Better to use words. That’s what Inara had been teaching her. She was special, but using words was always better than using subterfuge or force. It was a shame she hadn’t taught the Captain the same lessons. There was still time. She smiled. Mal didn’t smile back, but he was no longer a wounded lion. No, he was a lion looking for prey. Much better. Lions hunting used cunning. Mal left the bridge, River following in his wake.

 

* * *

 

Not on a liner, and not at the Training House. Then where the hell was she? Time for some answers, like why the hell he was being lied to. He could hear a now cheerful River mumbling something about ‘no painted ship on a painted verse, but breath and motion, day after day, day after day.’ The girl had a bright grin on her face and seemed to be almost skipping behind him. Well that was reassuring.

The cargo bay was full of crates, and a busy Zoe. Soon as Jayne saw his face he made a beeline to deeper into the ship. Well, Zoe’d do then, he wasn’t expecting any shooting. River tapped his shoulder, the look on her face expectant. Girl didn’t get out much and she’d obviously dressed for the occasion. As he thought on it for a moment Zoe approached.

“Sir?” She looked at the pair of them, clearly confused.

“Got somethin’ we need to do.” He lapsed back into silence, knowing Zoe’d give him a few minutes to collate data. On the one hand River could be extremely useful. On the other there was no knowing what they were like to come across, or how she’d react to what they found out. As he stood there mulling on it Simon and Kaylee came walking up, hand in hand. At the sight of Simon, he had an idea.

 

“You want me to what?” Simon spluttered. He seemed horrified by the idea, and truth be told the look on Kaylee’s face when he’d suggested it had made him reconsider, but there was no better way of finding out if Inara was at the Training House or not, and if they were lucky maybe even more than that.

“I jus’ want ya to wave, an’ maybe make an appointment.”

“I’ll do it.” Jayne supplied eagerly. Zoe nearly choked she was trying so hard not to laugh, and River made no bones about her amusement, giggling quite openly.

“What?! I’m a fine specimen. Been told that plen’y a times.” Jayne insisted.

Keeping his own laughter buried deep he replied, “No, I’m sure yer a, a mighty fine specimen, but what we’re lookin’ for is information.”

Jayne looked grumpy at his assessment, yet amused at Simon’s uncomfortableness.

“Wait, you ain’t never...” Robbed of his own chance at the fancy whores he turned to needle Simon. Mal wanted to hit him. Simon looked even less likely to cooperate now, and to make matters worse Kaylee looked seriously upset now, almost on the verge of tears. Just as he was about to toss Jayne out of the bridge, Simon answered Jayne’s question, his voice firm and steady.

“No.” He turned and pulled Kaylee in close. “Never. Nor was it ever something I ever wanted.”

Mal seriously hoped the boy wasnt’ about to spout off some syrupy sweetness to Kaylee, when she spoke.

“Ya should do it Simon. With one of yer suits and those manners of yers ya look an’ sound like one of the fella’s that’d wave Inara. Think ya’d have them fooled.”

“You sure? I mean if you don’t want me to....” Simon asked, clearly not wanting a repeat of their nearly week long fight. Mal wanted to roll his eyes, but Kaylee set him straight.

“I’m sure, ‘Nara’s my friend, an’ if the Captain thinks she might be in trouble we gotta do what we can ta help her out.”

“We all settled then?” Mal said fully exasperated now, and if he were honest a touch panicky. Every minute they spent dithering was a minute that Inara could be in worse shape. Simon and Kaylee looked chagrined, and he hurriedly left the bridge to get fitted up.

Kaylee smiled up at him, “I can rig it so’s it won’t look like it’s comin’ from here.”

Then as she started to explain exactly how he interrupted her, “Don’ need to know the how Kaylee, jus’ get it done.”

She nodded and ducked out, leaving him alone with River, Jayne and Zoe. River had made it clear she’d like to go along, but there was no way in hell he was taking Jayne. It was going to be him and Zoe. There was no telling what they’d find, and even though she was in a motherly way he was certain there’d be no shootin’. Not in such a fine establishment.

Decision made he turned to inform his crew, “Jayne, yer with the ship on this one.”

Jayne looked, not disappointed, if he weren’t mistaken there was a bit of a prideful shine to his eye.

“River, I’m gonna need you ready to fly this bird in a moment’s notice.” She too looked at him with that same honoured look as Jayne’s. Well, this was already going better than anticipated.

Turning to Zoe he spoke, “Looks like it’s just you an’ me on this one.”

She nodded and asked, “got a plan sir?”

He shrugged, “we’ll see after Simon’s wave.”

 

* * *

 

Simon made the wave, and Mal had to concede the boy had gotten much better at impersonation for nefarious reasons. He stuttered here and there, but the receptionist seemed quite taken with him and eagerly offered to connect him with any of the Companions currently registered with the house. Five faced popped up on the vid screen, one of which was the woman he’d spoken with, but Inara’s was not among them. Mal gestured for him to select the woman he’d dealt with and Simon nervously did so.

Once the pair of them had settled on an appointment for that afternoon Mal took a deep breath. This was going to be tricky.

“Looks like yer gonna be taggin’ along with us on this one Doc.”

 

* * *

 

“Mr. Lee, welcome.” The receptionist fawned on him. Zoe stared at her impassively, and Simon, though nervous easily fell into his old polite habits, merely nodding in her direction. His bearing, pretty fits, and handsome features worked their charm. She fussed around him for a moment, then asked that he follow her, as Zoe fell into step behind him the receptionist turned to speak, but Simon interrupted her.

“My bodyguard will of course search the room and be near at hand.” He smiled indulgently at the receptionist, “one can’t be too careful.”

Though the receptionist looked as though she would prefer for Zoe to remain behind she graciously acquiesced.

Finally after they’d passed though several corridors designed to confuse a body, they arrived at Miss Unagi’s chambers. Zoe dutifully went into the room and appeared to search it. The receptionist didn’t know what she was looking at so it was relatively easy to place the small camera and microphone. She nodded to Simon and then took up a forbidding stance near the door.

“She’ll be with you momentarily.” The receptionist twittered to Simon, he merely nodded, entered the room and closed the door. It was up to him to get the truth out of her, and if that wasn’t an unsettling thought, she didn’t know what was. She settled in to wait, knowing Mal was listening back at the shuttle just as she was through an earwig. Hopefully a polite query would be enough to get them a trail, and if not, well, it might be easier to search every ship that had docked in the past week than attempt to steal a Companion and force the information out of her.

Finally they heard a gracious voice, as the woman entered and welcomed Mr Lee. After a rather complicated tea ceremony full of obsequious politeness she started to probe Simon. He gave her stiff answers that warmed her voice, and Zoe was guessing, narrowed their proximity.

They danced and parried for several minutes until finally, Miss Unagi seemed to realize Simon wasn’t who he was pretending to be. She finally asked him in a thinly veiled way who he was and what he wanted, and Simon’s voice came over the earwig hard, but not threatening.

“I’m a friend of Miss Serra’s.” There was a pause, then he continued, “I’ve been trying to track her down for several weeks, I understand she was here in a training position a few months ago, but my attempts to reach her have been unsuccessful.” He then sighed in a pitiful manner, “It’s just, I needed her guidance and comfort. You see my sister, she’s, she’s taken a turn for the worse and I needed to see Inara.”

“I’m very sorry, you just missed her. She left with Raymond Davies this morning.” There was another pause, then she continued. “As his personal companion. I’m sure you understand.”

“Yes, thank you for your time.”

“You are most welcome, though I am not Inara, I’m sure I could be a source of comfort and guidance to you just as she was.”

Simon made a polite refusal and then there was more polite conversation until he finally extricated himself. As they wove their way back through the maze Zoe swore she could hear Mal’s frustration and envy. The tone of Miss Unagi's voice when she’d confided that Inara had left with Raymond Davies seemed legitimate, as though she were confiding a secret in a highly respectable young man. Zoe knew the idea of Inara leaving to become a personal companion was something that smarted. Mal had nearly committed suicide with his foolish duel the last time the subject had come up.

 

* * *

 

Mal leaned back in his shuttle. Raymond Davies. He felt as though he’d been sucker punched. Time to close the book. Move on. Forget. When Zoe and Simon returned he merely grunted at their arrival and flew the shuttle back, Shuttle One, in stony silence. If she wanted to leave that was her business. Could she have done so in a more civilized manner? Yes, but he’d come to learn that civilized manners meant one thing to him and another to her. Apparently being civilized meant lying, politely of course, likely to spare him embarrassment, or Kaylee’s feelings or some such.

When he radioed Serenity to let River know it was time to go he was met with a very confused Jayne, before he had time to speak, Jayne interrupted. “Glad to hear from ya Capn’, crazy’s been on about how remedies ain’t nuthin but poison. Kaylee’s with her now, but she’s in a right state.”

Mal felt Zoe’s look. Remedies sounded an awful like Raymond Davies. She didn’t say anything, for which he was grateful. Remedies. Raymond Davies. River did say Inara wasn’t going back. That they all did lie, or was it dead lie?

“Zoe, get on the cortex, an’ find anything you can about Raymond Davies.”

 

* * *

 

“Raymond Davies. Son of the great Alistair Davies, Member of Parliament for almost twenty years, sits on the Cabinet as Minister of Trade. Raymond has estate holdings on Bellerphon, Sihnon and Ariel. Sits on the board of Macnair Incorporated.” Zoe rattled off from her seat in the co pilot’s chair. Mal was standing near the lockers behind the pilot’s chair currently occupied by a silent River.

“That it?”

“Well, that’s only what I could find on legitimate sources of information. But, looks like he’s been questioned under suspicion a few times with local authorities on Persephone.”

“Persephone?” Simon asked, clearly thinking it was odd for a man like Raymond to be involved with the law on a rim planet like Persephone very far from home and the shiny boardrooms of his profession. It was a fair question

“Suspicion with what?” Jayne asked, nearly talking over Simon as he did so. Another fair question, though the two of them seemed to think the others’ question didn’t have merit.

Before the two of them could get into an argument Zoe interrupted with more information, “once for assault and battery of an acquaintance. And again for another acquaintance.”

“Female acquaintances?” Mal asked. The bridge was deadly quiet. Jayne’s face hardened and Simon and Kaylee’s eyes both widened marginally.

“Doesn’t say sir.”

“How long ago were those?” He continued.

“About five years,” She paused, “Sir. He used to have holdings on Persephone, but sold them and moved back to Sihnon after the second incident.” There was a heavy silence as Zoe continued searching, now looking at illegitimate sources of information.

“Sir.” Zoe sounded confused, “Almost two years ago there was a large sum of money transferred from his father’s accounts to the Guild on Sihnon.” She looked up at him, not knowing what it meant, but then neither did he.

“Too big for a regular contract.” Simon piped up. They all turned to look at him, a look of betrayal on Kaylee’s face, leading him to continue hurriedly, “it was an open secret that most the men of my set visited Companions, and while in public the fees were never discussed, I have it on good authority that the figure we’re looking at right now is about ten to twenty times the cost of a regular contract.”

“What are you getting at?”

Simon swallowed hard, “The only reason to pay that much would be to cover something up.”

“I’m not sure I understand.” Said Zoe, “I thought Companions were highly respected?”

“They are, but-“ Mal interrupted, “but things like a love child, or an assault wouldn’t be.”

Simon nodded.

“Sir. There’s something else. Raymond is in possession of a luxury yacht, a yacht which left Sihnon about a week ago-“

This time it was River who interrupted, “and landed this morning.” She pointed to her cortex screen. Silence would have been better than Kaylee’s horrified gasp as she put the pieces together. She turned to Simon who quickly embraced her.

“I don’ git it.” Jayne said. Mal sighed, “Ten to one Inara’s on that yacht.”

“But why?”

“I’m thinkin’ it was somethin’ between the two of them his daddy paid to cover up.” Mal replied heavily.

“Nara had a kid?” Jayne asked incredulously.

Simon saved Mal the trouble of answering “I think assault of some kind is more likely with the record from Persephone.”

Jayne was affronted, but surprisingly, not at Simon. “Hun dan.” He said, spitting on the floor.

River stared at the tiny puddle with wide eyes, then she spoke, “pad 92.”

Mal nodded. “Zoe, see if you can get the plans for his yacht, we’ll need to know the layout and approximately how many people we’ll be dealing with.” Zoe nodded and began searching, Kaylee moving to stand over her shoulder to help.

Mal turned to River, “I’m gonna need you to fly Serenity. If all goes well, we’ll meet you in the air.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Zoe asked.

“Then you’ll have a head start gettin’ the cargo where it needs to go.”

Kaylee started to protest, but Zoe nodded, then turned Kaylee back to the work they had to do.

“Simon-“ He started, but the young man quickly nodded and interrupted him, “Infirmary” and then quickly headed down.

“Jayne. We’ll need guns. And grenades.” Jayne grinned and swung easily down into his bunk where his best weaponry was kept.

 

* * *

 

The uniform didn’t quite fit over the body armor, but if they weren’t lookin’ too close it wouldn’t matter. Jayne grinned at him, pleased with the outcome of his plan. Mal couldn’t lie, it was a good notion. Without Jayne’s moment of brilliance the two of them woulda walked in guns blazin’, and while that might work on occasion, stealth was a much better option. Especially as it would likely prevent shootin’.

Pausing to add a fifth grenade to the stolen bags Jayne turned to Mal. “Got a plan?”

Mal looked around, so far their little act of infiltration had gone unnoticed. The two crew members on a smoke break hadn’t returned to help with the loading, but no one seemed to have noticed. He and Jayne had dispatched them with practiced ease, stripped them and tied them up in the utility shed nearby.

The crew was a hive of activity around pad 92, which held the sleekest and cleanest spaceship he’d ever seen. Should be easy to join in the activity unnoticed, the crew didn’t seem to be chummy.

“Sneak in with the wait staff.”

Jayne nodded, and Mal went back to observing. A little reconnoitring was in order before they snuck in. Zoe and Kaylee had assured him it could hold a maximum of thirty, and from the looks of things at least ten of those were wait staff. He’d counted five guards milling around taking their ease. Hopefully their ruse would hold until they found Inara, who Kaylee thought was likely being held in one of the estate rooms near the center of the ship.

She couldn’t be sure though, but she did think the map they’d managed to find on the cortex was like to be accurate since the yacht was only a few months out of dry dock.

“Mal.” Jayne brought him out of his thoughts, Mal turned to look at him and Jayne gestured toward the ship. The activity was slowing down, they were getting closer to take off. It was now or never. Mal nodded, grabbed his bag packed with guns and ammo and sauntered up to join the crew. Jayne off to one side, a grim look on his face. They knew if they were found out it would be at least ten to one against them, and if the yacht took off with them on board their chances of getting back off would be slim enough to not bother calculating.

Huh. Never would have thought he’d be boarding a yacht to save a whore with only Jayne as back up. But there you have it. ‘Verse was a strange place, and while he would have preferred Zoe, Jayne was a crack shot and never hesitated, and the idea of placin’ Zoe and little Washburne in mortal peril just didn’ sit right. ‘Specially since he didn’ know what they were gonna be walkin’ into.


	6. Storm

Jayne smirked, those two security guards were never gonna get their clothes back. He hoped they’d be off the yacht in time to watch the pair of them emerge from the shed in their skivvies. That’d be a sight, two grown men trying to sneak through a busy space port in nothing but greyish underwear.

He kept his amusement on his face, knowing that a cheerful grin was much more likely to get the pair of them through security than the grim awareness that they could be well walking into their own coffin. The five men working security on the outside didn’t give them a second glance, merely waving them inside. Crew must have just signed on to not notice that two of them had been replaced with he and Mal. What was the point of security if nobody knew which faces belonged and which didn’t? Jayne snorted, rich people always felt better with security, but if you knew even basic tricks like stealing a uniform it was worse than if they didn’t have any security at all, since they weren’t expectin’ folk like them gettin’ close.

Feeling like this might go better than most of Mal’s plans Jayne strode confidently behind Mal into the ship, but only seconds later the ship lurched in the unmistakable motion of lift off, and the guards who had just waved them through started to give them second glances. One of them had a look of confusion on his face and began to approach them. Jayne quickly drew his gun and pointed it at him. One of the crew members yelled “gun!” and there was panic in the small entry bay.

 

What on earth was Jayne up to? Mal turned at the yell of ‘gun!’ to see Jayne pointing a pistol at one of the guards. Several of the crew members were fumbling to get their wallets out, and a few had their hands in the air. Jayne moved closer to the wallet offering crew members. What was Jayne doing? This wasn’t a stick up. As he was about to yell at Jayne he noticed one of the security guards was drawing his weapon, before he could get unholstered Jayne shot him square in the face, just as he pulled one of the crew members close to use as a shield.

The room quickly erupted in panicked screams as the crew milled around in confusion, Mal turned and fired on a second guard, and Jayne dispatched the third. The crowd around them was frenzied into the corridors leading off the entry way, and though Mal managed to get the fourth guard before he got deeper into the ship the fifth blended in with the confusion and disappeared.

“So much for in an’ out with no fuss.” Mal grumbled. 

Jayne attempted to laugh, “What would be the fun in that Capn?” 

The man he was holding struggled against his arm, but Jayne only squeezed tighter until he passed out, then lowered him carefully to the floor. Once Jayne had relieved the man of his wallet they made their way deeper into the ship with Mal on point and Jayne on his six. As they rounded the first corner with no further resistance his hopes started to rise. But then alarm klaxons began to blare. They were humped. Well and truly humped. 

Mal had done his fair share of urban fighting during the war and a spaceship gun fight would be a nightmare. The corridors rounded back on each other, bulkhead doors could be closed and then compartments vented out to space, not to mention they were outnumbered and though they had a fair guess as to where they were going they could easily get lost.

Mal stopped, and they both grabbed bigger guns out of their bags, Jayne fastening grenades to his belt. This was going to be tricky. They had only minutes before the ship broke atmo, once they were clear there was nothing to stand in the way of simply opening hatchways and sucking the pair of them out to space. It was a tactical nightmare. Their only chance was to move fast and hope the enemy didn’t manage to encircle them.

Ready for a run and gun battle they took off, rounding another corner Mal spotted two crew members, Jayne shot one while he got the other. Running past their bodies Mal tried not to notice they were unarmed. They rounded the next two turns without meeting anyone, but on the third Mal barely made it back into cover before bullets winged past.

He had counted two guards moving quickly toward them. Jayne fired Vera and one went down, but the other kept coming, not even glancing at his fallen comrade. He fired indiscriminately at them, Mal returned fire, hitting him in the leg. He went down heavily, losing his gun, as he started to move toward it, Jayne shot him again. They couldn’t afford to leave anyone who might move in behind them.

Mal tried not to notice the odd pull in his gut where the Operative had impaled him as he increased his pace. They raced toward the estate chambers where Inara was most likely to be, suddenly, Jayne yelled his name. Turning quickly he saw four guards moving behind them, getting into cover by using a fork in the hall.

“Jayne, grenade.” 

Jayne handed him a grenade from his belt as he kept his eyes on the corridor in front of them. Mal turned the top and tossed it in the midst of the four guard. He knew there was a chance of hull breach but speed was more important than possibilities.

He heard the grenade explode and screams of pain, he motioned Jayne and started to move forward. Breathing a sigh of relief that there hadn’t been a hull breach he moved forward, when he heard a large whump. Air whistled past him and he could feel his body being tugged toward the hole in the bulkhead. Jayne grabbed him and flung him to the floor. Moments later a heavy door slammed shut where he had been, effectively sealing the breach.

The ship started to shake. Knowing they wouldn’t have much time before the entire ship ripped apart in atmo Mal sprinted down the next two corridors. It appeared as though most of the security guards were on the other side of the hull breach. Well. Score one for reckless grenade tossing.

They were getting close, the corridors were no longer spartan, but were richly furnished. The loud speakers were blaring “All hand report to damage control stations,” as the lights cut out to be replaced with red emergency light strips on the floor.

Mal raced along the corridor, if the emergency lighting was on they were down to their last seconds before the ship crashed or exploded under atmospheric forces. Wrenching open a set of ornate doors Mal stopped racing, there was Inara. She looked at him haughtily. Jayne moved up next to him covering their backs as Mal gestured for her to come to them.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She said, decked in a deep red gown,perfectly coiffed and poised, acting as though nothing was out of the ordinary, even as the ship lurched under their feet.

“What do ya mean yer not goin’ anywhere?” Mal said lowering his pistol in confusion as klaxons blared around them.

“You shouldn’t have come Mal. This is where I belong.” Inara’s voice was hard as she spoke, as if she were biting each word as it left her lips.

“Mal, we gotta go.” Jayne interrupted, covering the hallway behind them with his gun.

“Bi jweh!” Mal yelled at Jayne, continuing to stare at Inara. She lowered her gaze as another voice spoke, “Bao bei.”

“All hands report to damage control stations.” The loudspeakers blared as an aristocratic man entered stepped through a doorway on the far side of the room, a pistol in one hand.

“Inara.” Mal said, the word barely leaving his mouth before the sound of a gunshot reverberated in the confined space.


	7. Wishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Sorry for the delay, got a nasty cold and so of course posting got derailed. So for your patience, two chapters today instead of just one.

Leaving the hearing Inara‘s companion training served her well, no one noticed anything amiss in her bearing or expression as she had gracefully returned to her quarters. Though there was ice in her veins and fear clutching at her stomach her face remained lovely and gracious as ever. Especially to the three high priestesses.

She felt oddly removed, as if nothing she was seeing or hearing as she passed was real. As if this were all a dream that she would wake up from. Sitting down she noticed her hands were shaking, that her breath was coming in short gulps. She closed her eyes and willed her body to relax, as she did so River’s words from three days ago floated into her mind. “They all did lie. Breath and motion, day after day, day after day.” What on earth had she meant?

She had played politics at house Madrassa. Contending for the place of High Priestess at her house was no small feat for a woman of her age, and if a more attractive, if albeit disturbing, offer from an attractive, if albeit disturbing, young man, hadn’t been on the table she would be there right now.

It was the work of a few keystrokes to find out the names of the High Priestesses at her hearing, they were all from Sihnon, and one, Priestess Rostov, had a long contract history with a certain Alistair Davies. Inara winced. Memories flooded back. She shook herself and turned to the other two.

One, Priestess Woodhouse, was simply a very ambitious woman, High Priestess at a young age and all sorts of social movement among the right set, she obviously chose her clients for the political power they would give her. The last Priestess, Priestess Imbora, had only very recently obtained the title of High Priestess, and after a long career mostly devoid of the sort of politics Inara was so familiar with. It was odd. There was a knock on her door, and she pushed her link up aside to answer.

It was one of her students, a girl named Fiona with lovely red hair, Inara turned to greet her, and ended up spending nearly two hours parrying questions with politeness before Fiona left, completely satisfied that Inara had told her secrets in confidence. Of course this was just an illusion, one Inara had played before many times to her success in her time with the Guild.

Inara glanced at the cortex, hungry for more answers, but she noticed the late hour. Companions did not stay up late, at least not in order to satisfy curiosity. The best way to keep looking stunning was to keep to strict hygiene and sleep habits. She laid down, and though her mind whirled at first, she eventually fell into a peaceful slumber.

 

* * *

 

She spent the next three days chatting with her students, parrying their questions, all while trying to find out as much information as she could. Miss Unagi had been transferred to their house quite recently, about a week before Inara’s arrival. She too was from Sihnon, the girls all bubbled. It was odd, this wasn’t a working house, not really, but she was young, and not qualified to teach yet.

As Inara moved among the students, she happened across Miss Unagi speaking to the receptionist. Inara smiled warmly and engaged her in conversation, eager to find what drew her to the rim, but she was evasive, and clearly wished for Inara to leave her alone with the receptionist. As she was leaving Inara heard her instructing the receptionist that if ‘that man’ waved she was to say she wasn’t there.

Inara frowned, companions usually did not instruct receptionist’s to fabricate lies to clients, it wouldn’t do for them to feel slighted by the Companion turning them down. Feeling confused she retired to her quarters to try and piece the puzzles around her together, only to be summoned to another hearing.

 

* * *

 

“Inara” Priestess Woodhouse smiled at her graciously as she entered. The room was far less formal this time, and only one of the priestesses was in attendance. “Please sit.” She gestured to a chair kitty corner from her own. Inara sat down gingerly. This was the sort of hearing she had anticipated upon her return to the training house. The sort of hearing she had been prepared to attend.

“I understand you’ve been spending your days with your students and your evenings on the cortex.”

Inara dipped her head, “yes, I wished to spend what time I could mentoring my students here. In the time I taught them I have become quite fond of many of them.”

She paused, and the Priestess didn’t fill the silence so Inara addressed the second half of the implied question.  
“I was curious. I have never heard of a hearing requiring the attention of three High Priestesses.”

Priestess Woodhouse smiled, “There was no requirement. But I believe Priestess Rostov was most anxious to retain her power over House Madrassa.”

Inara nodded, though she was confused. Priestess Woodhouse smiled at her.

“Although, I think your return will change that.”

Inara looked at her, still full of fear at returning to that chapter in her life, and her mask must have slipped because the Priestess continued.

“I know about the business with the Davies boy, but he has not been on Sihnon for several months. His father has posted him to Ariel, and there are many among the Sihnon elite that clamor for your return.”

Inara smiled, gratified, and if she were honest, flattered.

“These are unusual times Miss Serra. The Rim is ready for expansion. Thanks in part to you and this Training House the Guild has decided to begin expanding, and would like your expertise in the matter.”

Everything clicked. The intimidation of a few days before was simply politics being played out, politics which Priestess Woodhouse had obviously won. Or perhaps the past few days had been a taste of the retribution she would suffer if she left the Guild. She knew Nandi had suffered greatly when she had left the Guild and Inara had no wish to do the same. But to be offered such a thing. She felt honoured. The position they were offering her was greater than what her own ambitions had been up to a year or so ago.  
They spent the next hour or so discussing the finer points of her return to Sihnon and the role she would play with the expansion into the Rim. With a buoyant smile she politely thanked Priestess Woodhouse, and returned to her quarters with a ticket for the next liner to Sihnon in hand.

 

* * *

 

For the next two days she again mixed and mingled with her students and those at the training house. She spoke at length with the Priestesses, finding them all excellent conversationalists, and with Sheydra, head of this Training House. Though she tried many times to engage Miss Unagi in conversation, they never got past opening parries, thinking it wouldn’t matter as she would be leaving for Sihnon in a few days, she finally stopped trying to engage the woman in conversation.

Alone one morning in her chambers Inara sighed as she handled the liner ticket back to Sihnon. Sihnon was where she belonged. She had had her grand adventure, and now it was time for her to return and reclaim what was hers. She had been a coward to leave as she had, she saw that now. Being on Serenity had taught her there were many ways to be brave, and as time wore on the shame of her flight had bothered her more and more.

Something else had bothered her on board as well, something she refused to acknowledge. It was time for her play the game. With what she knew about the Davies family and the Rim within an even shorter time than she had ever imagined she could a member of the Triumvirate who governed the Guild. It was what she wanted. More than what she had always wanted. No Companion would have the experiences she had had on the Rim, or the political and monetary resources she had. She could expand the Guild into the Rim and thus improve the lives of the women there. No more whore houses with girls strung out on drops.  
She would bid the crew a final goodbye this afternoon, spend the rest of the next week mentoring girls like Fiona, and then set out to ply her formidable political acumen into a more glorious career than she had ever envisioned for herself.

She felt like singing, or skipping, but did neither as she sat breathing the incense on her altar. The smoke curling around her brought back memories. Something, or rather many someones, kept niggling at her. The crews faces appeared in her mind’s eye. Her heart plummeted. She belonged here, but her impending victory seemed somehow empty without them, her friends.

Friends. She’d never had a friend until Kaylee bounced into her life, towing Zoe, Wash, Mal, Book, Simon and River along with her, and given the time Jayne as well. Somehow, political machinations between Companions just didn’t seem as satisfying as she remembered them being. A knock interrupted, decision wavering and emotions in an uproar she opened it.

Her eyes widened marginally in surprise to see Miss Unagi at the door.

“I’m so sorry to disturb you Miss Serra, but I wanted to get to know you a little better.”

Inara smiled graciously and opened the door widely to invite her in. Miss Unagi mumbled a few more apologies for disturbing her, but Inara didn’t hear her. A dull roar was building in her hears as she noticed Raymond Davies. He smiled at her cordially. Inara took an involuntary step back, and he followed her into her chambers.

Miss Unagi apologized politely to Inara for not warning her, but her eyes said otherwise. Inara felt frozen. Her fear from years past rose and her newly found flame of valor was quickly extinguished. He was breathing fast, Inara smiled at him graciously. He stammered his greeting and kissed her hand, hoping to let him down easily she smiled back. Miss Unagi remained standing near the door a small triumphant smile on her face.

“How wonderful to see you Raymond. It has been too long.”

“Yes, it has. I had hoped to see you much sooner, but then you’ve been hard to track down.”

“Yes, I’ve been doing ambassadorial work for the Guild out on the Rim.”

“Really? Well, I guess we must shine the light of civilization where we can.” He smiled, and grasped her hand, leaning toward her. “I am so glad you’re here my dear. I’ve been simply desolate without you.”

Inara smiled graciously, and attempted to remove her hand, but he only grasped it more forcefully. “I cannot believe that to be true Raymond, I have it on good authority that more than one heiress was very interested in your company.”

He waved his hand, “Them? They are nothing compared to you. You are a jewel bao bei.” He leaned toward her, “And that’s why you are going to come with me.”

She stood still, mute and utterly cold.

“You belong with me, always.” He pulled her closer to him, not noticing, or not caring, that she stumbled a little. “You must see that now.”

Inara glanced at Miss Unagi, pleading with her eyes for her to intervene. She merely held a finger to her lips and then left the chamber closing the door quietly behind her. Inara, now feeling panicky, turned back to Raymond.

“Yes, but Raymond, these sort of things must be entered into properly. The Guild-“

“I remember.” His voice went hard, as did his grip on her arm. “Last time I asked you wanted me to jump through all sorts of hoops.” His tone was dangerous now.

“I know my dear, but you see, my hands are tied, by the Guild.” She replied

He made an angry growly sound in his throat. “Yes, I know, that’s why we’re not going to go through the Guild.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re leaving. Just the two of us. I’ve arranged it so that if you don’t return to Sihnon within a fortnight your registration will invalidate.”

Her heart froze at his words, but he turned warmly to her and smiled. “I’ve worked out everything, came on a new luxury yacht-you’ll want for nothing bao bei.”

She stood, mute.

He spoke gently, “come now, I know you’ll miss your work, “ he sneered at the word, “for a time, but I promise, this will be much better. You’ll see.”

He pulled a needle from his person, she struggled, but he smacked her hard across the face, and dragged her closer. Pulling away, she ran toward the door, but he easily caught up with her, and hitting her again, in her still bruised ribs, knocked her to the ground. She called out in fear, but if anyone heard no one came running.

“Come bao bei.” He said more, but she wasn’t listening. She struggled against him, but he easily overpowered her and plunged the needle into her arm. Inara felt panicky sobs escaping her lips, she knew she should scream, but she couldn’t sustain any volume. As blackness spread across her vision she tried to push past him, but he grasped her hair and forced her neck back violently. She cried out in pain and shock, her eyes looking madly around for a weapon. Then everything went black.

 

* * *

 

Inara awoke with a start, she was lying on a sumptuous settee in what appeared to be a small shuttle. It was decorated in rich golds and beige, Raymond was sitting next to her and as she glanced around he caressed her face. They were in the air. There was nothing to be done. Once inside his yacht there would be no escape. Having lived on Serenity she knew how easy it would be to contain her within, to prevent her ever leaving, to contacting anyone off ship, to anyone but those he wished to even know of her existence. He smiled at her.

“I’m so sorry bao bei, but I had to free you from their control.”

She smiled back at him, “of course, thank you, Raymond.”

He nodded, then leaned back into his chair comfortably, beckoning her to him. Feeling disjointed and frozen she sat stiffly on the arm of his chair. He ran his hand comfortably along her back and began to whisper in her ear.

It was all she could to remain still. If she were to survive it was imperative that he think she was fully submissive and compliant. Turning to face him she nuzzled his neck and sighed deeply. He kissed her neck. She moaned in fear, but the lack of privacy kept his hands mostly off her.

She felt the jolt of the shuttle connecting with the yacht, and Raymond got up to escort her inside. He was now bubbling with plans for their future, and telling her all about the wonders of space travel aboard his state of the art spaceship. She followed, listlessly.

Once he had ensconced her inside the spacious and richly furnished estate chambers he left to make sure everything was ready for take off. She sank into the first chair she stumbled into. She didn’t know how long she stared blankly at her hands, disbelieving that they were hers. That she was here, all of what had happened. After long moments she looked up, to find she was seated in front of a vanity. She looked at herself in the mirror. She hardly looked like the Companion with a meteoric future in front of her. Gritting her teeth she began to correct that. As she applied her lipstick klaxons began to blare.

Not knowing, or even caring at this point, she methodically went through her toilet; letting down her hair, brushing it and putting it back up again for best effect. She was a Companion. She would always be a Companion. She ignored the shakiness of her wrist as she worked. She felt the ship lift and shudder, and suddenly Raymond was with her.

He seemed out of sorts, angry, and she spoke to him soothingly. As if in a dream she found herself assuring him that the ship would break atmo, though it usually felt as though it wouldn’t. She smiled, touched his hand to comfort him, when suddenly the main lighting shut down. Raymond hurriedly left her for the accompanying ensuite and she was left alone again.

She continued her toilet, methodically putting on the jewellery left on the vanity. The doors to the chamber were wrenched open. She stood up quickly and turning she saw Mal beckoning her frantically. Behind her she heard the door to the spacious bathroom click open. She glared at Mal, knowing if Raymond thought for one instant that his treasure was in danger he would react unpredictably violently. She had to allay his fears if any of them were going to get out of this alive.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She said haughtily, willing Mal to understand.

He looked at her shocked, “What do ya mean yer not goin’ anywhere?”

He lowered his pistol, hurt and confusion on his features. Raymond was facing her, hidden from Mal’s view.

She took a deep breath, “You shouldn’t have come Mal. This is where I belong.” Her voice sounded unnatural, strangled, but Raymond smiled at her. She hoped to lure him between her and Mal, but he moved laterally closer to her instead.

“Mal, we gotta go!” She heard Jayne yell.

“Bi jweh!” Mal yelled back.

Raymond extended his hand toward her, beckoning her to come closer as he spoke, “Bao bei.”

She hesitated for a moment, feeling Mal’s eyes on her. She wished she were brave.

She wished she hadn’t run from Sihnon, that she had instead stood and fought, but she hadn’t. She’d run, she’d made the decision to run before they’d even offered a payoff. She wished she’d stayed on Serenity, been brave enough to accept something new. She wished she’d run out of her room the moment she’d seen him, but there was no point wishing any more. Raymond moved confidently into the space pistol in hand. He reached out to grab her, and she knew she would let him, let him use her as a shield, or let him end her now, she would always yield. She closed her eyes not wanting to see where he pointed the pistol and flinched as she heard the unmistakable sound of gunfire.


	8. Salvage

Jayne never hesitated. The shot pulled Mal out of his confusion. Jayne’s shot had dropped Raymond, but Mal fired once more just to be sure, he didn’t want another Dobson situation. Inara was staring at Raymond, her face as frozen as Zoe’s, Mal grabbed her arm, rather rougher than she would generally allow, but she didn’t resist as he pulled her behind him. They had to get off, and quickly. Mal hadn’t ever ridden a ship down before, but the way the deck plating was movin’ he knew the ship was in trouble.

Inara stood behind him mutely staring at the blood pooling around the now vacant-eyed Raymond; Jayne pulling his wallet out and eyeing the rest of the room for objects to pilfer. Mal wracked his memories of the plans Kaylee had hurriedly walked him through. What he remembered wasn’t good. Those bulkhead doors that had slammed shut had effectively separated them from the escape pods. Well, a fine yacht like this one had to have a private shuttle, they’d just have to find it and hope it was still space worthy. Decision made, it was time to move out.

Grabbing Inara’s arm again he marched out into the hallway, she resisted now, muttering under her breath and shaking slightly. Jayne glared at them as he looked down the hallway, clearly knowing any delay could be fatal at this point.

“Inara.” Mal said calmly, but if she heard there was no indication; she was craning her neck back to see the dead body muttering something about eels. He repeated himself more forcefully and she turned her glassy eyed stare to him. Now that he had her eyes he spoke firmly, and like the sergeant he once was he gave her orders.

“You are to stay between me and Jayne. If there’s gunplay drop to the ground and follow my orders exactly.” At the shift in his tone eyes focused in surprise, and she nodded.

He motioned Jayne to take point, knowing Inara would likely need to be chivvied along.

“We’re going to head toward the bridge.”

Jayne looked incredulous but kept his opinion to himself for once. Mal nodded, and they made their way forward. The ship was now bucking and banking around them and twice he had to catch Inara before she fell to the floor or was bashed into a wall. As they neared the bridge the ship began to shudder and rock violently, when, finally, Mal saw their first piece of good luck, a gangway clearly leading to shuttles, one of which was still attached.

Mal whistled to catch Jayne’s attention, and then used hand signals to direct him. Jayne quickly followed and headed inside and strapped himself in, but Inara balked, Mal nearly knocked her over due to the suddenness of her stopping. She didn’t say anything but she wouldn’t move into the shuttle, instead she whirled to face him. Jayne looked shocked and moved to come back to help but Mal motioned for him to stay back. He looked down at her, and calmly issued more orders.

“You are goin’ on that shuttle.”

“No, Mal, I, I can’t.” She half screamed half stammered to him her eyes panicky and wide.

“You are.” He pushed her, none to gently, but she resisted, hitting and screaming and even clawing wildly at him.

“No. No. No!”

He pinned her arms to her sides and moved closer to her. Her eyes ranged about the scene, looking everywhere but at him. He’d seen many a soldier scream and wail, or just sit down and stare blankly. She wasn’t here. She wasn’t her. Shellshock. Hold still long enough and it would kill, and he’d be damned if she’d die on him now.

“You are. You are going to strap in.” At his words her body shuddered, and tears began to fall. That was good. Meant she was back in the present and not wildly flailing against the past. He felt her relax marginally and he took his hands off her arms.

“You are going to go and sit next to Jayne and you are going to strap in.”

Still crying she turned and moved inside the shuttle, not noticing the panicked men now running toward them. Mal quickly moved inside the shuttle and turned to face the oncomers. The gangway was short, but long enough for what had to be done. The men were rushing toward him, looking expectant, hoping for a ride to safety.

As he sealed the door he heard two clunks. Rushing to the cockpit he strapped in and hurriedly began to disengage, the unmistakable sound of the shuttle releasing followed quickly by two large explosions. He swallowed hard. Hadn’t meant for it to go this way. Jayne looked at him, unsettled, it was one thing to shoot armed men chompin’ for a fight, but unnarmed pilots jus’ lookin’ for work, that was a whole ‘nother business. He snorted, he’d feel guilty about it later, and turned all his attention to flying the damn thing.

Mal wasn’t a pilot, he could fly Serenity and her shuttles if the need arose, but he usually had Zoe or River to help him. This was different. Large chunks of debris missed them narrowly as he attempted to ‘thread the needle’ as Wash would say.

He felt several impacts on one side and twisted the little shuttle around to avoid more, all the while flying down toward the planet. Several escape pods streaked past them and Mal pushed the shuttle for more speed, hoping that if it appeared on radar it would look like just another pod.

He heard Inara scream and Jayne gasp as he pulled a heavy g manoeuvre to avoid smashing into an immense piece of falling debris. The ship was breaking apart spectacularly, secondary explosions along the fuel lines leading to the engine had ripped it to pieces. The shuttle rocked and spun and he fought to keep control as they went careening back toward the planet.

All he could think was he couldn’t black out. If he blacked out they’d either hit the planet too fast and end up as a smear along the landscape or he’d awaken to Alliance rescue personnel carting him off to jail. He had to stay conscious, he had to fly as if he were an out of control escape pod, then once below radar fly in a holding pattern until they could enter the traffic leaving the planet and rendezvous with Serenity. Stay conscious. Fly like a leaf on the wind. Don’t crash. Stay conscious.Stay. Conscious.

 

* * *

 

 

They’d be finding watches for days. Debris was scattered over a few miles, escape pods, twisted bits of metal, a long impact crater from a crashed shuttle, and one shuttle that looked nearly intact. From the hurried conversations back at the station house it appeared that the luxury yacht that had landed just this morning had crashed into the planet after frenzied calls to the radio tower reporting gunshots. No one knew what had happened up there, and it was likely they never would since the survivability of a space crash was nearly nil. The hospital had sent over their new interns to help with the recovery, and their faces were white with shock at what was mixed with the twisted metal.

Jonah had been called to several recoveries, in his career as an EMS, and generally what they found were bodies, often in pieces, sometimes burned, and sometimes only DNA traces. The new interns however much they were used to cadavers weren’t used to what lay before them. They had to open each pod to check for a potential survivor, but rarely did they find someone in any sort of condition to save, if you could call what that entailed as saving.

“Looks like a bag and tag.” He said over the shoulder of a young intern, she looked at him in shock, clearly upset by his attitude. But he’d seen too many of these crashes to not recognize what he’d seen over her shoulder. At least there was something to bag, a body for their family to claim. If there were a hundred of escape pods about twenty would be empty; people not making it to the pods. Ten or so would have just a smear inside as their inertial dampeners malfunctioned under extreme stress. Twenty more would have been exposed to space or decompression as the pod opened under the stress. Twenty bodies would be burned beyond salvageablitly. Ten would be dead from internal injuries sustained in the crash or from g forces. Another five or ten would have died from heart attacks or aneurysms in sheer panic. And maybe five or ten would be alive, but often only just.

The intern looked to be on the verge of tears, so he quickly moved to another pod, trying not to breathe through his nose as he did so, or notice the salvagers that were combing through the debris. Spaceships were made of rare and valuable parts, so it wasn’t unusual for them to be combed over by vultures, but he usually met them as he left the scene, not upon arrival. He wanted to spit in disgust. There were three in particular that didn’t concern themselves with anything outside of the potential salvage of the intact shuttle.

Jonah gritted his teeth, cursing under his breath at those dredges of humanity that would profit from such a disaster. One of them, a large man, had even grabbed a watch right off a corpse. He had a good mind to call security over, but when he looked up again they were gone.


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> J/k apparantly you're getting three chapters as the last is just an epilogue ;p enjoy!

“Won’t happen again sir.” She said that every time, if his math were right this was the fifth time she’d patently disobeyed a direct order, usually from his ownself, to save his life. She hadn’t seemed at all surprised to see them stumble aboard a few kilometres from the crash site. Kaylee had looked like she was about the fling her arms around Inara, but Simon, with that odd sort of obtuse wisdom which occasionally seized him, had insisted upon triaging the three of them first. He had in his brusque, yet compassionate way, escorted her to the infirmary and asked the rest of them to wait outside.

Mal looked ‘round at his crew. Kaylee, after receiving his assurances that he was just fine, was hugging her arms to herself since she couldn’t hug Inara. Jayne was morosely looking over the two wallets and one watch he snagged; each time Mal would catch his eye he saw his own guilt reflected back. River was sitting mutely in a chair, her eyes closed, and aside from the stiff posture, looked peaceful enough to be asleep.  
Zoe was looking at him with questioning eyes. He shrugged, not knowing the answer to her mute query himself. That was first on his list of questions to ask Simon as soon as Inara’s examination was finished. She nodded, and moved to stand closer to him, offering her silent support.

When the infirmary door opened, before Kaylee could fling her arms around Inara, Zoe stepped between the two of them, and firmly, but gently led Inara away. Kaylee looked hurt, but Simon pulled her into a quick embrace before asking for his next patient which mollified her some.

As soon as Simon closed the door Mal launched his questioning with a blunt, “She alright?”

Simon spluttered in indignation as he replied, “That information is confidential-“

Mal held his hand up and interrupted him, “I know all about yer oaths and patient privilege and what not. An’ truth be told ‘m sure more ‘n one person aboard this ship is grateful for it. But I ain’t askin’ you as a curious bystander. I‘m askin you as Captain of this boat.”

Simon gave him a probing look before he responded. “She isn’t a crew member.” Mal immediately moved to protest, but he continued. “And she is alright.”

“What do mean alright?"

Simon swallowed hard, and looked at him as if begging him to not make him say it, but Mal had to know, had to hear it from the expert’s mouth. Only when Simon, calm, collected Simon, could say those words would he believe them.

 

* * *

 

Mal waited outside the infirmary to hear the news on Jayne, listening to Kaylee chatter away. It wasn’t her normal sunshiney chatter, but it was better than his own thoughts. She was fussin’ over he and Jayne, an’ there were some bruises that were gonna look a helluva lot worse tomorrow, not to mention some bleeding from cuts along his scalp and arms. Felt almost good to have her treatin’ him like a hero. Almost. He’d kept count. Two unnarmed men shot. Two blown up. Not to mention all those who had died in the crash. Didn’t mean for it to go that way. Supposed to be in and out. Fast. Easy. No one hurt as didn’ need be.

He tried to push back the dark thoughts. He sighed heavily, more bodies that all dead lie. And he’d been too late anyway. Years too late. When Jayne trundled on past, plastered with several weaves, he gladly turned his attention to Simon, who assured him that though Jayne had sprained his wrist in the crash all three of them had made it out remarkably unscathed. Mal nodded, and leaving the two young lovers alone for some much needed decompression, headed to the bridge.

It was empty. Zoe or River must have programmed the autopilot. Staring at the stars brought a deep uncomfortableness, and he felt driven to roam the ship, to make sure all within his domain was safely locked down and as it should be. Safe and sound.

Jayne’s bunk, normally silent, was buzzing with rhythmic, load music, and a low murmur of intimate conversation floated up from Kaylee’s. Zoe’s was empty. He continued on down, checking the galley, the engine room, the pantry, the catwalks, the shuttles, the cargo bay, the showers. He checked the whole gorram ship before he finally headed to the passenger dorms.

River was there, sitting calmly in front of Inara’s door. As he drew close she turned her shining face up to him, wet with tears. He stood in front of her, placing his hand on the door, but not drawing it open. He could hear the two of them. Inara speaking in uneven tones punctured with heavy pauses, and Zoe talkin’ to her. Soothin’ her. He could hear the low, steady murmur of comfort, even if he couldn’t make out the words. Could see it in his mind’s eye. Could remember it from all those years past.

“They all did lie.” River’s voice was barely audible. He looked down at her, and dropped to squat in front of her

“Yes. They all dead lie.” He said, finally understanding her little half rhyme, then standing he started to walk away, when she called out after him.

“Sergeant.” He turned to face her, she had moved to standing and was staring at him with a strange calmness. Her voice when she spoke had a deep authority to it, far unlike her own voice, “I will extend peace to her like a river.” She then smiled, and continued in her regular tone, “Spring will come.”

He turned away, startled deeply; it had been a long time since anyone had dared quote the bible to him, and he knew it should bother him, but something about her words soothed him. He walked away, heading for the bridge, knowing that Inara was in the best hands he could have ever brought her to with Zoe and River there to attend her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> J/k apparantly you're getting three chapters as the last is just an epilogue ;p enjoy!

“Won’t happen again sir.” She said that every time, if his math were right this was the fifth time she’d patently disobeyed a direct order, usually from his ownself, to save his life. She hadn’t seemed at all surprised to see them stumble aboard a few kilometres from the crash site. Kaylee had looked like she was about the fling her arms around Inara, but Simon, with that odd sort of obtuse wisdom which occasionally seized him, had insisted upon triaging the three of them first. He had in his brusque, yet compassionate way, escorted her to the infirmary and asked the rest of them to wait outside.

Mal looked ‘round at his crew. Kaylee, after receiving his assurances that he was just fine, was hugging her arms to herself since she couldn’t hug Inara. Jayne was morosely looking over the two wallets and one watch he snagged; each time Mal would catch his eye he saw his own guilt reflected back. River was sitting mutely in a chair, her eyes closed, and aside from the stiff posture, looked peaceful enough to be asleep.  
Zoe was looking at him with questioning eyes. He shrugged, not knowing the answer to her mute query himself. That was first on his list of questions to ask Simon as soon as Inara’s examination was finished. She nodded, and moved to stand closer to him, offering her silent support.

When the infirmary door opened, before Kaylee could fling her arms around Inara, Zoe stepped between the two of them, and firmly, but gently led Inara away. Kaylee looked hurt, but Simon pulled her into a quick embrace before asking for his next patient which mollified her some.

As soon as Simon closed the door Mal launched his questioning with a blunt, “She alright?” 

Simon spluttered in indignation as he replied, “That information is confidential-“ 

Mal held his hand up and interrupted him, “I know all about yer oaths and patient privilege and what not. An’ truth be told ‘m sure more ‘n one person aboard this ship is grateful for it. But I ain’t askin’ you as a curious bystander. I‘m askin you as Captain of this boat.”

Simon gave him a probing look before he responded. “She isn’t a crew member.” Mal immediately moved to protest, but he continued. “And she is alright.”

“What do mean alright?"

Simon swallowed hard, and looked at him as if begging him to not make him say it, but Mal had to know, had to hear it from the expert’s mouth. Only when Simon, calm, collected Simon, could say those words would he believe them.

\------------------

Mal waited outside the infirmary to hear the news on Jayne, listening to Kaylee chatter away. It wasn’t her normal sunshiney chatter, but it was better than his own thoughts. She was fussin’ over he and Jayne, an’ there were some bruises that were gonna look a helluva lot worse tomorrow, not to mention some bleeding from cuts along his scalp and arms. Felt almost good to have her treatin’ him like a hero. Almost. He’d kept count. Two unnarmed men shot. Two blown up. Not to mention all those who had died in the crash. Didn’t mean for it to go that way. Supposed to be in and out. Fast. Easy. No one hurt as didn’ need be.

He tried to push back the dark thoughts. He sighed heavily, more bodies that all dead lie. And he’d been too late anyway. Years too late. When Jayne trundled on past, plastered with several weaves, he gladly turned his attention to Simon, who assured him that though Jayne had sprained his wrist in the crash all three of them had made it out remarkably unscathed. Mal nodded, and leaving the two young lovers alone for some much needed decompression, headed to the bridge.

It was empty. Zoe or River must have programmed the autopilot. Staring at the stars brought a deep uncomfortableness, and he felt driven to roam the ship, to make sure all within his domain was safely locked down and as it should be. Safe and sound. 

Jayne’s bunk, normally silent, was buzzing with rhythmic, load music, and a low murmur of intimate conversation floated up from Kaylee’s. Zoe’s was empty. He continued on down, checking the galley, the engine room, the pantry, the catwalks, the shuttles, the cargo bay, the showers. He checked the whole gorram ship before he finally headed to the passenger dorms.

River was there, sitting calmly in front of Inara’s door. As he drew close she turned her shining face up to him, wet with tears. He stood in front of her, placing his hand on the door, but not drawing it open. He could hear the two of them. Inara speaking in uneven tones punctured with heavy pauses, and Zoe talkin’ to her. Soothin’ her. He could hear the low, steady murmur of comfort, even if he couldn’t make out the words. Could see it in his mind’s eye. Could remember it from all those years past. 

“They all did lie.” River’s voice was barely audible. He looked down at her, and dropped to squat in front of her

“Yes. They all dead lie.” He said, finally understanding her little half rhyme, then standing he started to walk away, when she called out after him. 

“Sergeant.” He turned to face her, she had moved to standing and was staring at him with a strange calmness. Her voice when she spoke had a deep authority to it, far unlike her own voice, “I will extend peace to her like a river.” She then smiled, and continued in her regular tone, “Spring will come.” 

He turned away, startled deeply; it had been a long time since anyone had dared quote the bible to him, and he knew it should bother him, but something about her words soothed him. He walked away, heading for the bridge, knowing that Inara was in the best hands he could have ever brought her to with Zoe and River there to attend her.


End file.
